Undertaker Throws Punches, Rock Lays Out Cena On Boring Raw

Posted on March 26, 2013 by Mike P-S

So let’s be real. Last week’s Raw sucked.

We waited the whole night to hear what the special conditions were for Triple H and Brock Lesnar, and we end up having a guy that quit on his own months ago get into a retirement match. Why is this supposed to be such a big deal?

Undertaker and Punk have all the makings of being a big deal, but it just feels like it’s missing something. Perhaps it’s because Punk is being kept out of the ring and the Undertaker isn’t allowed to do more than walk slowly until ‘Mania. It also seems to be getting third billing among the three main events, which is too bad because I’m pretty sure it’s the match people want to see most.

That brings us to the main main event. The Rock is actually going to be on Raw for the first time in weeks and I’m not even sure that’s a good thing. The WWE Champion seems to have nothing to offer the WWE outside of Pay Per View events, and it’s hurting his reputation in the locker room and the fans. Cena meanwhile has nothing to say regarding his opponent that hasn’t already been said.

CAN I HAZ URN!?

Tonight’s show kicks off with CM Punk strolling down the ramp with Paul Heyman holding Paul Bearer’s urn. Heyman hasn’t been associated with Punk much since Lesnar came back so it’s good to see him in Punk’s corner. Of course Lesnar won’t be here tonight so it’s not like he’ll be out for two people on the same night. I’m very curious how involved he is at WrestleMania. Punk catches the urn from Heyman and talks about all the things people say about the Undertaker regarding WrestleMania and the urn. He says the perfect ending would have been for the Undertaker to retire after last year’s ‘Mania (hard to argue), but he ruined it by coming back to challenge Punk, who does no believe in all that mumbo jumbo. He says he took the urn because it means so much to the Undertaker, and says it doesn’t mean anything to him. He then throws it on the ground (ooooooooooh). Punk says that he has the psychological disadvantage because he has something the Undertaker wants. The phrase “rest in peace” means nothing to Punk, as he does not rest like the Undertaker does between WrestleMania’s (funny because he’s apparently scheduled some time off after ‘Mania) and he is never at peace. He says that he is the best in the world and that the Undertaker’s record will rest in peace. Just then the Undertaker’s music hits, the lights go out, and when they come back on ‘Taker is attacking Punk! He’s throwing punches! Punk runs out of the ring as Heyman follows with the urn. Promo was fine but it was all worth it for five seconds of actually seeing the Undertaker in action.

The first match of the night is supposed to be Fandango against somebody. After dancing around and into the ring, he says his name and Chris Jericho immediately comes down the ramp and attacks Fandango. Cole keeps saying that this is not the scheduled match and Fandango runs off. What was the scheduled match? Who got shorted? Why couldn’t they name a random guy? That should matter shouldn’t it? Anyway Jericho was supposed to face Dolph Ziggler later in the show but since Jericho was in the ring, Ziggler decided to comes out as well and they are now having their match. Who was backstage ready to come out? Does he now just go back to the locker room? Does he still get paid?

The two trade blows for a while to start, with Ziggler escaping the Walls of Jericho only to be hit with a cross body splash from the top rope for a two count. Big E pulled Jericho face first onto the apron during the break, giving Ziggler control of the match. Dolph then puts Jericho in the abdominal stretch (my favorite move of all time) until Chris escapes and goes into his series of shoulder blocks and a double axe handle from the top rope. Jericho hits Dolph with the running bulldog, then hits Big E with a springboard dropkick. Dolph hits a DDT for a two count, but Jericho escapes the sleeper and applies the Lion Tamer, winning the match via submission. Big E spoils the celebration by attacking Jericho and hitting him with the move of no name. With Jericho down, Fandango comes out and dances over Jericho before attacking him too. Fandango is now throwing punches. He then takes Fandango out with a sloppy boot to the face, getting chants of “you can’t wrestle.” After a leg drop from the top rope, Fandango said his name and left. This whole thing took forever to play out and they are definitely facing each other at WrestleMania and I haven’t seen anything out of Fandango yet to make me think it is a good idea.

I am the glitteriest dancing WWE Superstar!

Backstage Sheamus is being interviewed about the Shield when the Shield run in and attack him. Slowly, Orton and Big Show come to get his back and their stare at each other awkwardly.

Mark Henry now in the ring for a handicapped match against the Uso’s. So now Henry is being booked like Ryback used to. The Uso’s drop Henry with some kicks to the jaw but it only slows him down for a little bit. Henry head butts one of them, throws the other one out of the ring, hits a WSS and wins the match. After the match, Henry drops each Uso with another WSS. Why? Because THAT’S WHAT HE DOES!

Time for Jack Swagger to throw up in his mouth again because World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio is taking on United States Champion Antonio Cesaro. Ricardo Rodriguez comes out in crutches to announce Del Rio after having his ankle broken by Swagger last week. Del Rio starts working the arm before Antonio fights back for a bit as Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger head to the stage. Alberto then met Cesaro at the top rope to deliver a superplex. With both men down, Swagger went to attack Rodriguez again but this time Del Rio attacked Swagger, forcing him out of the arena as Cesaro celebrates the victory via count out. Del Rio then takes his frustration out on Cesaro, kicking him down and applying the cross arm breaker. Real nice Alberto. Way to be a face.

The Prime Time Players up next against Team Hell No in what should go longer than the last two matches combined. Bryan and Kane start strong with a lot of good teamwork on O’Neil before doing the same to Darren Young. Ziggler, Big E and AJ then pop up on the stage to watch as the PTP take control. Kane comes in on a hot tag and after Bryan takes out Titus with a knee off the ramp, Kane hits the chokeslam to pin Young for the win. Somehow there was no interference. I guess they were just there to remind us they had a match at WrestleMania.

IC = Injured Crotch

After showing a full recap of last week’s snoozer of a contract signing, Triple H came to the ring to address the crowd. He says going against Brock Lesnar you have to think your career has a chance of ending anyway and that he always fights like his career depends on it. So basically the stipulation doesn’t matter. He finishes by saying he’s going to kick Lesnar’s ass and starts to storm off. Wade Barrett then comes down the ramp for his match and tells Triple H to get a move on. Triple H responds by kicking Barrett in the nuts and leaving. Very short promo. Not complaining.

When Barrett finally gets to the ring he has a match against the Miz. Miz immediately tries for the figure four leglock but Wade escapes the ring. When he comes back in Miz takes over again and tries for the Skull Crushing Finale so Barrett exits again. Wade finally gets going when he hits Miz with a big boot trying to climb to the top rope. After controlling the middle of the match, Miz comes back by lifting Wade over the top rope and hitting him with a double axe handle off the ramp to the outside. Back in the ring, Barrett is in control again after throwing Miz in the barrier in the corner. Miz then ducks under a clothesline, toe dragging Barrett into the corner to get going. Miz hits the leaping clothesline and follows up with a double axe handle off the top rope for a two count. Barret escapes the SCF to hit a swinging side slam for a two count. Barrett then escapes the figure four a couple of times before delivering a side kick to the head for another two count. He sets up for the bull hammer elbow but Miz ducks under it and applies the figure four to get Barrett to tap out. It’s pretty amazing how often Miz is winning with that move. Solid match.

Backstage, Kane and Bryan are arguing about AJ’s impact on them in their match against Ziggler and Big E. Kaitlyn jumps in and tells them to forget about her as they all start bitching about her while AJ is listening in the background. AJ then goes off the deep end and attacks Kaitlyn when she calls her crazy (the secret word!) and Team Hell No has to pull them apart.

Khali, Zack Ryder Justin Gabriel and (aka team jobber) goes against the Shield next. Khali starts off strong against Seth Rollins, turning things around when Zack Ryder gets tagged in. The offense continues for the Shield as Ambrose and Reigns each get their shots in on Ryder. Zack eventually tags Gabriel in but he gets attacked from behind. Ambrose props Gabriel on his knees as Rollins hits him with a flying knee to end the match. Khali has enough and attacks the Shield, eventually getting hit with a triple power bomb. Sheamus, Orton and Big Show then come out to help the faces, surrounding and attacking the Shield in the ring. The Shield runs off licking their wounds as the three faces put their arms around each other and point at the WrestleMania sign.

Best friends

Backstage Jericho says that Vickie Guerrero has granted him a match at WrestleMania against Fandango. Yup. It’s official. Blerg.

Team Rhodes Scholars out to the ring to back Philly Cheesesteaks and to introduce the Bella Twins. It’s pretty out of character for Sandow to be into the Bella’s isn’t it? Anyway they will be in the Rhodes Scholars’ corner as they take on Brodus Clay and Sweet-T with the Funkadactyles (that sentence made my head hurt). Brodus and Tensai start off strong against Tensai with Cody turning the tide on Tensai. Brodus comes back in to clean house and hit a splash on Rhodes, knocking him out of the ring. The Bellas go to help him when the Funkadactyles go to attack them (just because). Tensai goes to break things up as Cody runs back in to hit a disaster kick on Clay, winning the match for Team Rhodes Scholars. Very weird feud.

Since Mark Henry beat two men and Ryback doesn’t like being overshadowed, Ryback will now take on all of 3MB. Ryback plows through all three men until McIntyre knocks him down with a running boot to the face while Ryback is distracted. They keep Ryback down for about 30 seconds before Ryback powers his way back up and takes over again. He destroys everyone with spine busters and meat hook clotheslines, putting up Slater and Mahal at the same time for Shell Shocked to end the match. Vintage Ryback. After the match it was announced that Ryback and Mark Henry will compete in a weight lifting contest on Smackdown. Somebody is gonna get hit with a weight.

AJ now out for an actual match against Kaitlyn. I get the feeling this will turn into a slap fight quickly. Kaitlyn brings her down immediately, then throws her in the corner a few times before AJ slaps her. Kaitlyn responds with a big clotheslines and gut buster sending her out of the ring. Kaitlyn then goes for the spear outside the ring but AJ moves away and Kaitlyn goes right into the outside barrier. Kaitlyn can’t make it back into the ring in time and AJ wins via count out. That’s now two matches that ended by count out. Is AJ gonna get a title shot at WrestleMania? By the way, that would be the last match of the night. Some wrestling show.

So what do we get instead of a main event match? We get Jerry Lawler moderating a debate between John Cena and the Rock, featuring Booker T, Mick Foley, Dusty Rhodes and Brett Hart. I can see this segment bombing hard. I’d be pretty pissed if I paid to go to this show.

With all the Hall of Famers in suits, the Rock comes out in his track pants to a pretty mild ovation. The WWE Championship feels pretty meaningless right now, only appearing on TV once every few weeks. That can’t be good. Cena comes out to a much louder reaction, although most of it is boos. With all the furniture in the ring Cena can’t do his slide in, so instead he casually shakes some hands. I’m already done with this. Foley asks Cena if he can live with the regret if he lost to Rock again. Cena responds by saying WrestleMania will be a historic day for the WWE that will change the company forever. Why? This is the second time they are facing and Cena has won the title a million times. Ultimately Cena says if he lost he’d feel like Donavan McNabb losing the SuperBowl, getting immediate heat from the Philly fans. He remarks that he didn’t win the big one. Again, Cena has so many “big wins” that the fans boo him for it. He then says that the Rock doesn’t know what failure feels like “yet.” Rock responds by talking about how he slept in cars and got released 6 months into his WWE career after tearing up his knee, only to come back and become the Rock only to lose his title to Steve Austin. That’s all fine and good, but it all comes back to Rock saying he’s going to beat Cena, and Cena claiming the opposite. Even worse, they are both faces. All of the Hall of Famers start off by saying how much they like both of them. Where is the drama? They are facing each other just because.

How do you sell the biggest wrestling event of the year? With a debate of course!

Hart then asks what changed after last year’s WrestleMania, provoking them both to talk about how much they respect each other. WHO CARES!? Booker T asks Cena why he thinks he can beat the Rock, to which Cena replies, “because I have to.” That’s it. Rock takes issue with the answer, provoking Cena until he admits that the Rock didn’t beat him, Cena beat himself when he decided to go for the People’s Elbow. He says he had the Rock beat, but he decided to pander to the crowd by using the Rock’s own move in his home town and it cost him. Cena says it will never happen again. We’re finally getting somewhere. Cena says he thinks he can beat the Rock because he knows he is better than him, and that the Rock knows it. Rock says if Cena really had him beat he would have beaten him, and that Rock will always be the man. Dusty then asks them what they want out of this match. Cena says he wants to win the big one and dominate the Rock, handing him a devastating loss that will haunt him for the rest of his life. The Rock says he isn’t wired to be haunted by a loss, and that the match will end just like last year’s. The Rock then challenges Cena to prove him wrong right now and steps to the middle of the ring. Cena goes to him, waves his hand in his face and puts him up for an Attitude Adjustment. Rock gets out of it and delivers a Rock Bottom, ending the show with Cena on his back and the Rock walking out with the WWE Championship while Cena looks like a spoiled brat who didn’t get the present he wanted for his birthday. We finally got a physical confrontation between these two but damn it took forever to get there.

Aside from the last 30 minutes (the show ran 20 min long) of debate, Raw seemed to spend most of its time promoting Fandango versus Jericho and AJ versus Kaitlyn. Triple H was out for five minutes and Punk and Undertaker opened the show, never to be seen again. I’m all for not over exposing talent, but don’t underexpose either. A lot of what’s going on just feels so stale, and the interesting material gets pushed aside for what we’ve already seen. There is one more Raw before WrestleMania. Can we please get some surprises?

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Triple H Signs Contract On Raw, Career On The Line Vs Lesnar

Posted on March 19, 2013 by Mike P-S

Anybody care that John Cena and the Rock both weren’t on Raw last week?

Good. Me either. Let’s move on.

John Cena opens this week’s show with a brand new yellow shirt (available on WWEShop.com) to talk about the match that he didn’t care enough about to promote last week. What’s his big message for his first promo in two weeks? The Rock’s time is up, Cena’s time is now. The same damn thing he said the last time he spoke. Not wrestled by the way, just spoke. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but thankfully the Prime Time Players came out, and for some reason Titus O’Neil is wearing a prison suit and an afro wig. Titus says that he is not Titus O’Neil, he is in fact Darren Young’s uncle, Rufus “Pancake” Patterson. Why do they call him Pancake? Because he FLATTENS FOOLS that’s why! Anyway he says that like Cena, they are also ready for WrestleMania. Cena responds by pandering to the crowd by mentioning all of their sports teams (except the Pirates) and then tries to blow off the Prime Time Players because he is occupied with his match with the Rock (who isn’t in the building tonight). ~~Titus~~ Rufus responds by saying that the crowd doesn’t want to see John Cena, they want to see the Prime Time Players. I’ll be damned if the crowd isn’t starting to dig it. Patterson ads that Darren Young looks like a black John Cena, so since Cena is on Fruity Pebbles boxes that Young should be on Cocoa Pebbles boxes. Now they are starting to get on my side. Since Rufus is too old to take on Cena himself, Darren is going to beat him instead, adding that afterwords Cena will be crying on the ramp just like at the end of last year’s WrestleMania. Cena takes that last comment seriously and accepts the challenge to a match. Cena hits a running bulldog and tries to apply the STF before “Rufus” pulls him out and our first match of the night is underway. After the commercial break, Cena hits the five knuckle shuffle and the Attitude Adjustment to win the match, declaring himself ready for the main event at WrestleMania. If beating Darren Young is all it takes, then a lot of guys are ready for the main event. Very, safe, booking.

Darren Young and Uncle Pancake

On to someone who is seen almost as often as the Rock, David Otunga is in the ring to take on Ryback. It was announced on Smackdown that Ryback would join Sheamus and Randy Orton to take on the Shield, but we all know he is going to be replaced by the Big Show so that he can face Mark Henry instead. WWE.com then made it official by accident went they leaked a photo of the match featuring Big Show in Ryback’s face. Ryback absolutely destroyed Otunga, hitting all of his moves with no offense from David whatsoever. Just like the Cena match before it. So far this is playing out a lot like the old Saturday morning shows they used to have in the 80′s. After the match, Ryback cut a promo about his WrestleMania match against the Shield, mentioning that he will cross Mark Henry’s path sometime before then. Henry decided now was as good of a time as any and started to head down the ramp. Suddenly Teddy Long found his big boy pants and, along with Vicki Guerrero, informed them that Ryback has been pulled from the six man tag match and will face Mark Henry at WreslteMania. Well if it’s already leaked they might as well not waste any more time delaying it. Ryback celebrates by giving Otunga a second Shell Shocked, screaming “THIS IS YOU” at Henry. I’m really looking forward to this match.

Fandango is now actually in a wrestling ring! He’s not wrestling of course, but this is as close as he’s gotten. They are really putting a lot into this gimmick and it is just not working. He’s scheduled to face Khali, who is accompanied by Natala. They were supposed to square off on Smackdown but Khali couldn’t pronounce his name (big surprise). This time around, Fandango hits on Natalya and tries to get her to say his name instead. Natalya doesn’t bite, telling Khali to go get him. Since Khali is about as fast as dial-up internet, Fandango got away and once again we don’t get a match. Once again I don’t care.

R-Truth is net to the ring in some type of weird white overalls thing to take on Damien Sandow. Naturally, Damien is not a big fan of R-Truth, saying that the R stands for repugnant. Truth tells Damien that he’s going to get got and the match is on. This is the first competitive match of the show as they trade blows before Sandow starts to gain control. He hits a snap suplex and applies a chin lock, followed by a flurry of knees to the gut and his fancy pants elbow. Truth starts to come back with a couple of clotheslines and a spinning kick leading into a leaping scissor kick. Sandow gets knocked out of the ring and decides he’s had enough, heading backstage and taking the count out. Truth wins as Cody Rhodes is watching backstage with the Bella Twins. Kaitlyn comes by to tell Cody that he has plans later and can’t hang out or whatever they were going to do (sex) and the Bella’s are all, “whatever.” Kaitlyn’s all “meeeeeh you can have him” and “all of you have mustaches and junk.” Then she left and Cody was all “hmmm the sex would have been fun, but these are twins.” I think that’s what happened. I wasn’t really paying attention. Is Cody gonna turn face? Not sure what I think of that.

UNDERTAKER IS GOING TO SPEAK! Showing up to Raw for the third week in a row, the Undertaker is finally going to do something besides stare at people. After he raises the house lights, ‘Taker lowers them again to talk in his creepy blue lights (because they’re spoooooooky). He says Punk sealed his fate when he made things personal by taking the urn. He’s going to hurt him, and hurt him bad. He says Punk has one chance to save his soul, and that’s by returning the urn right now. Instead, Punk shows up on the titantron doing a Paul Bearer impression while using the urn as a ventriloquist dummy. He then adds that if the Undertaker gets counted out or disqualified that it still counts as a loss. Punk says you could call the Undertaker the best in the world at WrestleMania, but Punk is the best in the world all year. While throwing the urn around to himself, he adds that the Undertaker has special powers and answers to a higher calling. Punk then says that he doesn’t have special powers or answer to a higher power, because he IS a higher power. Punk says that he is the only one willing to bare the physical and emotional burden it takes to beat the streak, doing whatever it takes to win. He then drops the urn on the ground before picking it up again as the Undertaker watches in the ring, seething as the segment ends. Pretty good promo. It’s nice how they never mention the feud they had back in 2009. Clever stuff, WWE creative.

Sin Cara lighting

Following up the promo is the Undertaker’s brother Kane, teaming up with Daniel Bryan against Epico and Primo. Needless to say, Kane is pissed. He opens things up by kicking Epico out of the ring. Bryan then tags himself in to try to calm him down and Kane begrudgingly exits. Bryan then takes on Primo, evading a sunset flip attempt and hitting a roundhouse kick to the head before Epico gets tagged in for more of the same. Rosa and Primo then distract Bryan, giving Epico the opening to take the momentum back. I think there would be a bigger reaction if Rosa danced in the ring while Epico and Primo wrestled on the outside instead. Bryan takes a beating for a while before finally tagging Kane back in to steamroll over Primo. After a sidewalk slam and top rope smash, Kane sets up for the chokeslam when AJ comes out of nowhere, skipping around the ring wearing red and black. Primo uses the distraction to try to roll up Kane but Kane kicks out, Bryan kicks Primo out of the ring and Kane chokeslams Epico (now the legal man) to win the match while AJ looks on like a psycho. I missed psycho whore AJ. She skips off and Team Hell No looks confused in victory.

Backstage Chris Jericho is being interviewed by Josh Matthews about his triple threat match for the Intercontinental Championship when Fandango pops in. Jericho makes fun of his name and basically his entire gimmick before Fandango storms off saying that Jericho will learn to say his name. He storms off as Jericho says he didn’t even get his movie tickets yet (FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT). He said he wants two tickets for Dead Man Down (sure he does). Is Fandango going to cost Jericho the IC belt? Is Fandango going to make his ring debut at WrestleMania against Jericho? This seems terrifyingly possible right now.

Cody Rhodes gets the opportunity to job to World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio came out to a brand new rendition of his theme, which is much more festive and even more Mexican than before. I’m betting he comes out to a live mariachi band at WrestleMania. Del Rio takes control early, bringing Rhodes down and working the arm, adding in some sweet mat wrestling in the process before Rhodes starting to take back momentum. Cody hits a suplex and applies a leg chin lock (chin lock with his legs) and dodges Del Rio running into the corner, forcing Alberto into the ring post. Cody tries to keep the pressure on in the corner but the ref makes him back off, giving Del Rio the space to hit a side kick to the gut (and proving that the refs are biased). Alberto hits a sweep kick to the back and then kicks Cody out of the ring. Del Rio went for it again when Cody tried to get back in the ring, but Rhodes moves away as Alberto fell through the ropes, and Cody followed up with a disaster kick off the barricade to regain control. This is easily the best match of the night so far (not saying much based on what it’s followed) as both men are putting on a good show. Back in the ring, Del Rio went for a second rope moonsault but Cody rolled away and Alberto landed on his bad knee (injured on Main Event by Jack Swagger) and Cody took control again and started working the knees. Rhodes then tries to land a suplex from the second rope (what’s with the second rope today?) but Alberto fights back and throws Cody back down face first. Del Rio then gets going, hitting the spinning back breaker and the sidekick to the face for a two count. Alberto then starts a clap going by slapping his arm (is that really a thing now?) and goes in for the cross armbreaker. Cody avoids it however and hits a moonsault for a long two count. USA chants start to get going as Del Rio hits a back stabber for another two count (take that Alberto!). Cody avoids the enziguri but Del Rio applies the cross arm breaker and gets Rhodes to tap out. The victory is short lived however as Jack Swagger runs in to attack Del Rio from behind. Ricardo runs in to help Alberto and Swagger tosses him aside, giving Alberto the chance to fight back, taking the fight outside the ring where Jack is laid out after being thrown into the barricade. Del Rio then switches his attention to Zeb Colter who is nearby. Del Rio gets his hands on Zeb but Swagger attacks Alberto before he can do any damage, throwing him into the steel steps and over the announce table as USA chants come down from the Pittsburgh crowd. So that’s two heels essentially getting cheered over the Mexican World Heavyweight Champion. On the way out, Swagger clotheslines Ricardo and applies the Patriot Act, breaking Rodriguez’s ankle. He’s left screaming in pain as the medical staff tries to work on him. Glad this feud is turning physical instead of all the Tea Party videos. Unfortunately, Cody Rhodes great performance will get lost in all this.

If you thought the WWE Hall of Fame ceremony was fully booked, think again. Booker T is now joining the rest of 2013′s class. I have no problem with Booker, but really? Did he need to be put into the hall of fame now? I know this isn’t Cooperstown but what’s the deal here? The best part of the reel they used was that it included an edited version of his infamous promo about Hulk Hogan (we comin’ for you ‘bleep’). I wonder if he’d be going if he wasn’t currently involved with WWE and provided them with tons of talent out of his wrestling school.

Randy Orton and Sheamus out next to take on Heath Slater and Drew McIntyre of 3MB. We’ll see how long it takes for Sheamus and Orton to add Big Show to their team. The faces use a lot of quick tags in getting all of their moves in. It’s not until Jinder Mahal provides a distraction that McIntyre finally establishes some offense against Sheamus. Sheamus fights back with a double axe handle on Drew coming down from the top rope, leading to a hot tag on Orton who takes care of Slater with a second rope DDT. Sheamus hits Drew and Jinder with Brogue Kicks so that Orton can hit Slater with an RKO to win the match. After the match the Shield comes down the steps to attack Orton and Sheamus. Before they can step in however, the Big Show runs down the ramp and into the ring to join the faces. Suddenly the Shield can’t get into the ring and they retreat back into the crowd. Show looks at Sheamus and Orton while pointing at the WrestleMania sign, leaving them to think about adding him to their team.

Did AJ fart?

Time for match of the night consideration as Dolph Ziggler (and his crew) takes on Kofi Kingston. Cole brings up the fact that Ziggler has, with the help of Langston, beaten both tag team champions in singles action in the last two weeks. This adds to the rumor that Ziggler and Big E will team up to challenge Team Hell No for the Tag Team Championships (AJ’s interference earlier helps as well). It makes sense and it gives us Bryan and Ziggler with a title on the line, making me almost kinda right. It’s also a match that wouldn’t take too much out of Dolph so that he can cash in his MITB briefcase later on. Maybe he wins two titles that night? I’m getting way ahead of myself. Kingston and Ziggler get a quick pace going early, both getting moves in before Kofi is slowed down when he misses on a splash in the corner. Dolph follows with a standing dropkick and headstand chinlock but misses on his splash in the corner give Kofi the opening to hit a standing dropkick of his own (not as pretty though). Kingston wiggles out of a sleeperhold to hit a springboard splash for a two count. Kofi connects on the boom drop but Ziggler ducks under Trouble in Paradise. Kofi then backflips out of another sleeper attempt and hits a swinging kick in the corner to Ziggler’s head. Kofi goes to the top rope but AJ gets on the ramp to cause a distraction. With Ziggler now outside the ring, Kofi goes to leap into him but Langston comes out from behind Dolph and slam Kingston down to the mat. Ziggler gets Kofi back in the ring and hits him with the Zig Zag to take the match. Dolph now has some momentum going after not winning for what seemed like forever. After the match Team Hell No came out to congratulate Dolph on being the only one to get Bryan and Kane on the same page. Kane says that he’s seen enough of Big E Langston outside the ring, and wants him inside. They challenge Dolph and Big E to a tag match, which AJ accepts under the condition that they put their titles on the line and have the match at WrestleMania. Dolph doesn’t seem too thrilled about the whole thing, but Bryan agrees and the match is on. See? We don’t need a GM to book matches. The wrestlers can just do it themselves.

Stealing a win

Time for Wade Barrett to put his Intercontinental Championship on the line in a triple threat match against Chris Jericho and the Miz. Barrett strarts off by attacking Jericho and Miz, with Chris singling out Wade and throwing him out of the ring to make way for Miz and Jericho to square off. Miz leaves the ring to attack Barrett, so Jericho leaps over the top rope onto both of them. Back in the ring, It’s much like the majority of triple threat matches as one competitor ends up outside the ring most of the time so that only two men are in the ring for most of the match. This one takes a much faster pace though as only one or two moves get used before the guy on the outside jumps back in and kicks another man out. The highlight early on is a “super-superplex,” with Barrett hitting a superplex while Jericho slams down Wade from the floor. Somehow Jericho sells this as well despite not being hit. The pace evens out a little as Miz gets taken out by getting thrown into the ring post. This gets Jericho going against Wade as he gets a two count on a cross body splash from the top rope. Jericho hits the running bulldog but Miz pulls the rope down as Jericho was going for the lionsault. Barrett then hit Miz with a swinging side slam, but Miz came back to apply the figure four on Barrett. The hold was only broken up by Jericho coming in with a lionsault on Miz for a two count. With Miz out of the ring, Jericho locks the Walls of Jericho in on Barrett, which is broken up by the Miz going for the Skull Crushing Finale. Chris wiggles out of it but Miz ducks under a punch and sets it up again, tosses Barrett over the top rope while still holding onto Jericho. Chris rolls it into a schoolboy however for a close two count and hits a codebreaker to take out Miz. Barret then throws out Jericho and tries for the cover, but Jericho pulls Wade out of he ring and throws him into the barricade. Chris then gets back in the ring to pin but Miz kicks out on two. Great stretch of moves. Miz comes back with a DDT for another two count but misses on the leaping clothesline in the corner. Jericho then hits a springboard dropkick on Barrett, knocking him out of the ring again as Miz lands a big boot for another two count on Jericho. Jericho then misses on an enziguri, avoids the figure four and rolls up Miz for a two count. Chris then goes for a double axe handle off the second rope (the most dangerous rope) but Miz catches him and hits the SCF to lay out Jericho. Wade Barrett then runs in at the last moment to roll up Miz and steal the win via pinfall to retain his IC Title. Great match. Well done from beginning to end.

The show closes with Triple H coming out to decide if he is going to sign the contract for a match against Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania (spoiler alert: he is). The catch is that Brock will add a stipulation to the match that Triple H won’t know until after he signs the contract. I like Triple H doing his full entrance with water spitting and screaming while a desk and office chairs are in the ring. I wonder if that’s how he walks into his office in Stanford. After all the spitting, Paul Heyman heads into the ring with the match contract and a team of security guards. Heyman recaps last week’s segment (that I summed up at the start of this paragraph) and explains that he brought the security because Triple H is frustrated and doesn’t want him to let those frustrations out on Heyman. Triple H then makes fun of the security guards for not being huge. Heyman then gets to the point, explaining the situation again. Triple H just wants to sign the contract and get on with it but Heyman wants to delay things, showing the fight Triple H and Lesnar had three weeks ago where Brock got busted open. Heyman then reveals that Brock told Heyman that he can pick the stipulation, and says that he decided that the winner of the match gets Stephanie McMahon. Trying to get Triple H to snap, Paul says that it would make more sense if the loser got Stephanie. That does the trick and Triple H starts to attack Heyman. The guards step in but they get knocked around and thrown out of the ring (the last one just runs away). Triple H lays Paul out on the desk and chops him. Heyman calls for Brock, but Triple H says that since he knows Brock won’t come out until the contract is signed, he’s going to enjoy this moment. He smacks Paul around and tears his shirt open, finally putting the contract on Heyman’s chest, signing it and throwing him out of the ring. Lesnar finally comes out swinging a chair and screaming like a maniac heading down the ring. Triple H then pulls out a sledgehammer and Heyman keeps Brock from getting in the ring. The paid head up the ramp, where Heyman says that the beating was worth it to get Heyman to sign the contract. Heyman then announces that it will be a No Holds Barred match, with Triple H’s career put on the line. Wasn’t Triple H pretty much retired anyway? This isn’t exactly a huge deal to me. I thought Heyman taking over as COO would have been better. The No Holds Barred stipulation feels a little tame to me too. I guess I was just expecting more. It could still be good, just not as god as it could have been.

Letting the hair flow

At the end of the show the picture for WrestleMania looks a hell of a lot clearer. Here is how the card looks at the moment:

John Cena vs. The Rock for the WWE Championship

Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger for the World Heavyweight Championship

CM Punk vs. The Undertaker

Big Show, Randy Orton and Sheamus vs. The Shield

Dolph Ziggler and Big E Langston vs. Team Hell No for the Tag Team Championships

Ryback vs. Mark Henry

Brock Lesnar vs. Triple H

Looking like a pretty good lineup. There are still a number of names to add, and I really hope Jericho isn’t wasted on Fandango, but there is still two more weeks to figure things out. The Rock comes back next week, so we at least now that half the show will be about him talking. Maybe Cena will speak too!

CM Punk Spoils The Undertaker’s Tribute To Paul Bearer On Raw

Posted on March 12, 2013 by Mike P-S

Now that the Undertaker is officially back it really feels like WrestleMania is upon us. However, eerily just one day after the Undertaker returned, his long time manager Paul Bearer passed away at 58 years young. From everything I had read and seen he was a very normal man for leading such an abnormal life. He seemed like a guy I might enjoy having a beer and watching some hockey with. Rest in peace Bill Moody.

The question from the WWE’s perspective is now how do you handle it? More specifically, do you make it part of the story between Punk and the Undertaker? It wouldn’t be totally unexpected after Punk mocked Jerry Lawler’s heart attack in November, but that was after Lawler had returned to work. This is different. Moody isn’t with us anymore. But, it’s certainly possible that there is a feeling, like with Lawler, that Moody would want the show to go on and that he would in fact be honored to be brought into things this way. I have no idea if they will do it, and I’m pretty sure they shouldn’t (if they did it would have to be perfect), but you have to believe they have thought about it.

William Moody: 1954 – 2013

Tonight’s show opens with a montage and tribute to Paul Bearer. After the video the Undertaker’s music hits. Taker comes out to the ring and raises his arms, only instead of turning on all the lights it only turns a spotlight on to an urn sitting on a table in the middle of the ring. The Undertaker kneels next to it, just like he did for all those years when Moody held it, paying tribute. Just when you thought it was going to end, guess what? CM Punk’s music comes out and he spoils the party. You have to give it to him, he’s got balls. Punk says he wants to personally give the Undertaker his condolences for his loss…at WrestleMania! He says it’s a shame that to Paul Bearer he will always be perfect, but to everyone else he will be 20-1. He says that after WrestleMania everyone will ask where they were when CM Punk beat the streak. Very split crowd reaction. Before Punk can head back, fire erupts from the stage and Kane comes out. Furious over Punk spoiling a tribute to his dad (remember that?), he grabs him by the throat and looks to choke slam him off the stage. Punk escapes however and runs off, with Kane in hot pursuit. I know people will attack Punk and the WWE for mocking a man who passed away, but this is the exact emotion they want to get out of the fan base. There is a weird line that pro wrestlers walk where they have to be that character all the time. No other actor has to do that. In that way I feel like CM Punk is paying his respect the only way he can. He can’t go out there and give the Undertaker a hug, but he can go and talk smack about him. It’s kind of like being in a roast. You make fun of those you love.

The first match of the night puts the Big Show against Seth Rollins, making him the first member the Shield to compete in singles action. Big Show has been getting attacked by the Shield which now automatically makes him a face, even though he isn’t acting like it yet. Big Show dominates early, throwing Rollins out of the ring into Ambrose and attacking Reigns. Outside the ring the three Shield members attack Show, ending the match via DQ. They hold Show down but the Big Show powers his way out of it. Show was about to chokeslam Rollins when he got speared by Reigns. They beat him down and hit the big man with the triple power bomb. Wasn’t sure they would be able to pull it off but it looked pretty good.

Backstage again, CM Punk is is barking at Vickie Guerrero and Brad Maddox about what Kane did to him. Punk said his beef is with the Undertaker and he shouldn’t need his brother to fight his battles for him. Vickie decides to put Punk in a no DQ match with Kane.

Back in the ring, Daniel Bryan is facing Dolph Ziggler (and his entourage). This can also be referred to as the World Heavyweight Championship match that I was hoping for at WrestleMania. Instead it’s mid card on Raw. They whole reason they are fighting is because Ricardo Rodriguez threw a bucket of water at AJ and Bryan made fun of her. So now Dolph has to defend her woman. Ziggler has to win tonight right? Bryan can absorb the loss and Ziggler desperately needs a win. Ideally without help but I’ll take what I can get. He needs to get some sort of momentum going into WrestleMania. If Ryback is going to face Mark Henry, Ziggler’s opponent seems likely to be Chris Jericho. That’ll work.

Match of the night (obviously)

They start of with some mat wrestling early, ending with Bryan applying the mexican surfboard before Dolph responds with a standing dropkick. As Bryan starts to regain momentum with a flurry of kicks, Michael Cole reminded us that Ziggler has until July to cash in his MITB briefcase. Could to know, but I’m still putting my money on WrestleMania. Bryan tossed Dolph over the top rope, but Daniel was stopped from running out to continue the attack when Big E jumped on the apron to get in his way. Ziggler then took control, applying an extending head stand chin lock before Bryan caught Ziggler attempting a drop kick, hurling him into the corner. Bryan then back flipped over Dolph in the corner, and hit a jumping clothesline. Dolph got a boot up as Bryan ran in to attack him, but Daniel applied a sunset flip. Ziggler tried to roll over and get a pin attempt of his own, but Bryan fell to the side and the spot was botched. Back in the corner, Ziggler was putting Bryan up on the turnbuckle but Daniel knocked him down. Bryan then attempted a side suplex from the top rope, but Dolph moved to his side to splash Bryan down on the mat. Dolph then landed a fame-asser to end another fast sequence but could only get a two count. This match is everything I wanted it to be. Bryan then started to apply the NO Lock but AJ distracted the ref so that Big E can pull Dolph toward the rope to break the hold. Bryan went after Big E and Dolph tried to take advantage of the distraction with a roll up pin. Bryan got out on two and went to apply the NO Lock again but Dolph wiggled out. Ziggler then ducked under a roundhouse kick, nailed the Zig Zag and finally pinned Bryan for a victory. Fantastic match. These guys needs to be on the card for a PPV soon. Afterwards, AJ had Langston attack Bryan, hitting him with the whatever you call it. Curious if this goes anywhere.

How else do you follow a great match than with Brodus Clay and Sweet T (Tensai) dancing away. Tensai is in solo action against Fandango, and Clay had Brodus pull off his tear away pants to end the entrance routine. The funny part is that Tensai was wearing regular pants under his breakaway pants. Fandango only come to the stage after Tensai called him out, and he said that Tensai didn’t get his name right, and that Tensai and Brodus are abominations to dance. Fandango says he’ll only come out if Naomi says his name. He seems to have the hots for her, saying she is the only one of them with real rhythm. She was about to try when Tensai get grabbed the mic to call him out again. Fandango then cut him off, saying Tensai cost everyone their chance to see “FAHN-DAHN-GO.” In reality, we were saved from a crappy match.

Now to a real match, as the Rhodes Scholars reunite once again to face the New Age Outlaws. Two matches in two weeks for them? Are they just on the roster now? Meanwhile I’m hoping that the Rhodes Scholars break up amicably every week, only to make a big deal out of reuniting the next week. If there was ever a pair of guys to pull that off, it’s Rhodes and Sandow. Sandow and Rhodes come out first and do a grammatically correct version of the NAO’s entrance. Absolutely awesome. I love Sandow. Of course Gunn and Road Dogg come out next and to it their way to a big pop, and in honor of Bearer (Mercy mercy, this one’s for you Percy), but you can’t deny how great the Rhodes Scholars version was. Road Dogg gets his dancing in to deliver a punch to Cody, but Sandow jumps in to distract him and Cody lands a distaster kick. Before the match can go any further Brock Lesnar comes out with Paul Heyman. Lesnar hits F-5′s on both members of the New Age Outlaws and Paul Heyman grabs the microphone. Heyman says that while Triple H says the game is on, Brock Lesnar doesn’t play games. Brock Lesnar hurts people. He goes through Lesnar breaking Shawn Michaels’ arm, Vince McMahon’s hip, and now dismantling the New Age Outlaws. Finally, Heyman gets to the point, proclaiming that Brock Lesnar will face Triple H at WrestleMania, but only if they can name the match stipulation. The catch is that Triple H has to sign the contract before knowing the stipulation. Good stuff. Heyman has had to hold himself back so much with CM Punk, that now that he’s doing all the talking for Lesnar he is on fire. He finishes up by mocking the New Age Outlaws, saying that “If you’re not down with that. I’ve got two words for you. BROCK LESNAR.” The smart money says Hell in a Cell, but I can see them getting creative with it here. First blood? I quit?

Using those Brock Lesnar appearances carefully

Potential squash match time with Kofi Kingston being fed to Mark Henry. Henry’s beef with Ryback continues to gain steam on Smackdown, although the only thing they do is stare at each other. It’s possible they just love each other. Anyway the match was basically over before it started. Henry tossed Kofi around before landing a big boot in Kofi’s face, sending Kingston out of the ring. Hold on a minute, Henry went to run over Kofi outside the ring but Kingston moved and Henry went into the post. Kingston then hit a one handed leaping chop off the steps to take Mark down. Back in the ring however, Kofi went for a cross body splash off the top rope but Henry caught him in the air and landed the World’s Strongest Slam for the win. Henry is being booked very well.

Backstage Cody Rhodes is flirting with Kaitlyn, and she’s digging it when Sandow comes by saying that he found the perfect women for the ladies division. He then reintroduced the Bella twins who were apparently reinstated. I didn’t miss them for a minute but whatever. Vickie Guerrero then came by and informed them that since their match got cut short, the Rhodes Scholars will now face Randy Orton and Sheamus. Sure, because that always happens when a match gets cut short. Meanwhile, Cody just got totally cock blocked by Sandow. That’s not what best friends do, bro.

Guess what is “THIS BIG”

Keeping the feud going, Mark Henry is standing on the stage as Ryback squashes Heath Slater. Gorilla press slam, meat hook clothesline and a Shell Shocked give Ryback the win. Drew McIntyre then comes in to attack Ryback for some reason, and gets a shell shock as well. Mark Henry then comes in and hits Drew with the WSS to show Ryback up. Ryback then hits Drew with Shell Shocked again, and Henry hits the WSS again. The two of them stare each other down again before Henry backs out of the ring. Just make out already and be done with it. Drew McIntyre should be happy at the end of this though. It’s the most attention he’s gotten in a while.

After a trailer for “The Call” starring Halle Berry, United States Champion Antonio Cesaro is taking on World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio. Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger have to be going nuts right now. Swagger should definitely come out and interfere here. Cesaro hits a hurricarana on Del Rio only to be countered with a cross body splash from the top rope. Alberto when to the top again but Antonio took Del Rio’s leg out from under him, bringing him back to the mat. From there Cesaro controlled the middle of the match, with chin locks and elbow drops. Eventually Del Rio came back, hitting Antonio with a super kick to the chin (while Cesaro was on his knees, I think it should be called a side kick instead). Del Rio brought Cesaro down for a back breaker and a two count. Alberto then went to the top rope again for a double axe handle but Antonio hit him with an upper cut. Del Rio then avoided whatever move Cesaro was going for, applied the cross arm breaker and Cesaro immediately tapped out to end the match. No problems with the match except for the fact that Swagger and Colter never came out. Big missed opportunity there. Although it would have planted seeds toward a Cesaro face turn and there is no way that’s happening. It’s a very weird situation having a foreign US and World Heavyweight Champ, and a heel that hates foreigners.

Backstage, Josh Matthews is talking to Kane about his match with Punk. Kane is holding Paul Bearer’s urn. He stares at it, looks pissed, and walks away. It’s kind of easy to forget how much of a force Kane was in his prime now that he’s joking it up with Bryan. It’s good that they separated the two of them for this angle with Punk.

The Rhodes Scholars sadly do not do the New Age Outlaws intro again as they prepare to face Sheamus and Randy Orton. What’s really weird is that Orton came out first. Then the Rhodes Scholars came out during the commercial so that Sheamus can make his entrance on TV like Randy. What kind of team comes individually out in between the other team? Orton and Sandow start off with Orton controlling things with a suplex before tagging Sheamus in to hit Damien with a battering ram. Sandow then pushes Sheamus into his corner in order to tag in Rhodes who does no better. The tide starts to turn when Sandow lowers the rope on Sheamus to get him to the outside. The Rhodes Scholars then keep Sheamus away from his corner and wear him out. Sheamus eventually gets Orton in on a hot tag and hits Rhodes with a power slam and a belly to belly suplex. Orton goes for the second rope DDT but Sandow pulls Cody down to save him. Orton comes out to attack both of them and Cody throws Orton into the steel post. Back in the ring, the Rhodes Scholars are controlling things again, essentially repeating the spot from earlier with Sheamus now waiting for the hot tag. Sure enough, Orton knocks Rhodes down from the top rope and lands a superplex, giving him the chance to tag in Sheamus on a hot tag. Sheamus now gets his signature moves in on Sandow, and by the looks of things he’s been told to hurry up because he is going through the moves really fast. Sheamus lands White Noise and teases the Brogue Kick when Cody Rhodes comes in to help. Sheamus moves away and Orton hits Cody with an RKO, giving Sheamus the chance to hit Sandow with a Brogue Kick and win the match. I can’t think of a tag match that better showcased the two individuals on one team better. During the commercial after the match, the Shield attacked Orton and Sheamus on the way up the ramp. Rollins hit Orton with a leaping knee from the stage and Reigns speared Sheamus. It’s only a matter of time before Big Show hooks up with them and this match becomes official.

Back from touring with Fozzy, Chris Jericho is out for another edition of the Highlight Reel. After asking if his lite up jacket was working and showing a clip from “The Marine 3,” Jericho called out his first guest the Miz. That’s two movie promotions so far, and we haven’t gotten to Wade Barrett yet. Jericho congratulates Miz on the sales numbers of his movie and wouldn’t ya know it, Wade Barrett comes out to talk about “Dead Man Down.” He shows a clip from his movie, a clip that he isn’t in, and Miz makes fun of how much he talks about this damn movie by doing a poor British accent. Barrett says that the accent shows how little range Miz has as an actor, while Wade has been turning down movie offers left and right because he is too busy being Intercontinental Champion. Miz believes Barrett keeps brining up his movie to distract us from the fact that he hasn’t won a match in weeks and will eventually lose his belt. Jericho must have gotten bored because for some reason he decided to jump in, mocking Miz’s “really” line by saying it like Ace Ventura. Cole can’t help but mention how bad it is. Wade tells Jericho to keep out of this before he drops him right now, prompting Jericho to remove his jacket and tell Barrett that despite helping bring him into the WWE through NXT and is a two time IC Champ, Jericho is a nine time IC champ. Jericho says that maybe he’ll make it ten (ooooooh). This brings Brad Maddox out to introduce himself and Michael Cole says this may be the worst segment in the history of Raw. Hard to argue him right now. Maddox is just stammering through his bit, and the crowd is gone. Eventually he manages to say that Miz and Jericho will fight now, with the winner facing Barrett next week for the Intercontinental Championship. Brad tells the crew to remove Jericho’s set, but Jericho casually informs him that it was removed at the beginning of the segment. Train wreck.

Jericho came back to do this?

Barrett sits at the announce table for the match, which starts the two men trading blows. Jericho gets a boot up on Miz running in the corner, Miz counters the bulldog by pushing Jericho into the other corner. Jericho then avoids getting thrown out of the ring to hit a double axe handle from the top rope, only for Miz to land a big boot for a two count. Fast pace in a match that seems very improvised. Jericho finally lands the running bulldog but Miz gets his knees up to block the lionsault. Jericho then blocks the Miz’s jumping clothesline in the corner and tries to apply the Walls of Jericho. Miz wiggles out of it and tries to apply the figure four leglock but Jericho escapes and again goes for the Walls but Miz turns it into a small package for a two count, with Jericho still holding on to Miz’s legs and finally applying a Boston Crab. This is a good match to teach someone about the fundamentals of pro wrestling with. Miz eventually makes it to the rope to break the hold, and heads out of the ring to recuperate. Jericho pursues and accidentally(?) throws Miz into Barrett. Jericho then continues working on Miz when Barrett gets up and attacks him. Wade then goes after Miz but Miz knocks him into the apron as Jericho hits him with a baseball slide. Miz and Jericho then throw him back into the ring, hitting Barrett with a Skull Crushing Finale and Code Breaker respectively to end the segment. During the commercial it was revealed that since the match ended in a DQ, Barrett with now face Miz and Jericho in a triple threat match for the Intercontinental Championship. Coulda seen that one coming.

Jack Swagger takes on one of the WWE’s other mexicans, Sin Cara. Sadly with rumors of Rey Mysterio retiring due to all the injuries, we aren’t far from Sin Cara being the only luchador in the WWE. Before the match Zeb Colter says he has a chip on his shoulder, specifically with Sin Cara who does not know the United States native language but was welcomed to the country. He says the people only cheer for him because they are programmed to, noting that he jumps around like a mexican jumping bean. Zeb calls Sin Cara thief because every night there is a Sin Cara sneaking across the border trying to take jobs from American’s, and it’s the people’s fault because they are afraid to say something about it. Zeb and Swagger aren’t afraid and will say it for you. Zeb then critiques Del Rio for saying he was born in Mexico and made in America. Anyway they eventually had a match and Sin Cara controlled things early, hitting a cross body splash from the top rope to the outside of the ring. This drove Swagger nuts, kicking the announce table and steps. Swagger then blocked a hurricarana but Sin Cara swung around the other way to attempt a roll up pin, only Jack blocked that as well. Swagger then tried whipping Sin Cara into the corner but Cara jumped over the top rope onto the apron and delivered a kick to Jack’s face. Sin Cara then went for another top rope splash but Swagger met him with a big boot to the mid section and started working on the ankle. He locks it in and Sin Cara quickly taps to end the match. Swagger doesn’t let go of the lock however until Del Rio comes in to save him. Eventually Del Rio locks in the arm breaker but Zeb Colter pulls Swagger away before any harm can be done. You could have sold the match on having the ankle lock versus the arm breaker. Oh well.

Meanwhile it looks like Ryback will face Mark Henry on Smackdown. I wonder if that means they won’t square off at WrestleMania.

All-time heel

Main event time as CM Punk takes on Kane in a no disqualification match. I wish they would just call it a hardcore match every once in a while. Kane comes to the ring holding Paul Bearer’s urn. Cole has to explain what the urn means, making me feel really old that it is necessary. Punk wastes no time, leaping through the ropes at Kane on the outside. I wonder if they will make mention of the feud they had with Daniel Bryan and AJ. Punk continues with a flurry of knees before Kane lands a few punches and throws Punk into the ringpost and dropping him on the barricade. Kane then clears the announce table but Punk strikes Kane in the stomach with the ring bell and hits a double axe handle that takes Punk toward the urn. He stares at it for a moment until Kane hits him in the head with a tv monitor. Finally the two men get in the ring and it kind of looks like a real match is taking place. Kane sets up for a superplex but Punk pushes him down and hits the flying elbow from the top rope for a two count. Punk works Kane into the corner and hits two high knees, but Kane blocks the bulldog and throws Punk out of the ring. Back from break, Punk props a chair between the turnbuckles but Kane reverses the irish whip and sends Punk into the chair head first. Kane then hits a sidewalk slam and clotheslines Punk out of the ring. Kane then starts tossing all the steel chairs he can find into the ring. He is about to chokeslam Punk into one of the chairs but Punk grabs Kane’s head and DDT’s him into the chair instead. Punk then starts attacking Kane with a chair, eventually mocking Undertaker’s hand across the throat taunt before Kane grabbed Punk by the throat. Punk landed a roundhouse kick however, maintaining control. Punk calls for the GTS when the Undertaker’s bell sounds. Punk immediately turns around, giving Kane the opportunity to deliver a chokeslam and win the match.

Afterwards the Undertaker’s music continues and the Undertaker does come to the stage, taking a knee while Kane does the same to pay respect to William Moody. Punk again interferes in the tribute, attacking Kane from behind with the urn! Punk continues to beat Kane with it until the Undertaker gets in the ring. Punk retreats with urn still in hand, stopping at the stage to take a knee and mock the Undertaker some more. Undertaker gives the slit throat sign and looks pissed as the show ends.

I’m not sure what they would have done if Moody had not died, but I doubt it would have been nearly as effective at creating instant heat between Punk and the Undertaker. After the last four years have been all about how much respect the have for the Undertaker, I really appreciate somebody stepping up and just pissing him off. Especially when it is someone as good as CM Punk. People may not agree with it, but it’s creating a whole new reason for the Undertaker to wrestle besides just keeping the streak going. Now if they can just make Punk seem like he actually has a chance against him instead of losing most of the time.

Undertaker Returns To Raw, Will Face Punk At WrestleMania 29

Posted on March 5, 2013 by Mike P-S

I’ve talked up past Raw’s in the past only to be disappointed, but I really think this is going to be a good show. With it being an “old school” Raw we have plenty of special guests already confirmed in Ted Dibiase, Ric Flair and the New Age Outlaws to name a few. The Rock and Triple H are billed as well. Oh and the UNDERTAKER WAS SEEN IN THE AREA! Each week has been labeled as the week he officially comes back, but with the Cena/Punk stuff out of the way and making an appearance at a house show last weekend, the time really does seem perfect. Plus, its “old school” Raw, and he has a move called “old school.” Right? Right?

The show kicks off and its the old style Raw set with 90s era ropes and aprons and HOLY MOTHER OF HELL IT’S THE UNDERTAKER! They wasted no time building up the suspense on this one. His music hits, the crowd goes nuts and the dead man strolls out in full S&M attire with fire coming from the stage and a giant WrestleMania sign behind him. Then we got the opening montage, narrated by “Mean” Gene Okerlund and the original Raw music. Pretty sweet for an old timer like myself. Even the graphics and announcers are throwbacks.

CM Punk is the first to show up after the intro. With Paul Heyman by his side, the first thing Punk said was that he should be main eventing WrestleMania specifically as the WWE Champion, but he is not and blames the fans for it. He then says that if he can’t main event then he has no reason to be at WrestleMania. However the seeing the Undertaker gives him a reason. Since the fans took from him, he is going to take from the fans and end the Undertaker’s undefeated streak. He criticizes the fans for honoring the 20-0 streak but not respecting his championship streak, declares that he’ll beat the Undertaker and hand him his first WrestleMania loss. After he’s done Randy Orton comes out, brings up how he beat Punk at WrestleMania and talks about his match against the Undertaker 8 years ago. He says that he was a rookie then and almost beat him, and says he wants another shot. After he’s done the Big Show comes out to make his case. He says that when he faced the Undertaker at WrestleMania he didn’t have his KO Punch (which makes no sense) and that you need to be a giant to beat him. Then Sheamus comes out and is all “hey fella, I’ve never faced him and I love to foyte blah blah blah.” Long story short, all four guys want to face the Undertaker. Out comes Vicki Guerrero to declare that they will compete in a fatal four-way match to determine the Undertaker’s opponent. We all know Punk is going to be the guy, but having him earn it is a lot better than having him just get chosen because Undi didn’t like how he calls himself a god. I’m all for things being earned in the ring.

Give credit when it’s due

The first match of the night puts United States Champion, Antonio Cesaro against Ryback. I feel like Cesaro only faces four people since he first arrived. Kofi Kingston, R-Truth, Miz and Ryback. Ryback’s tights say “unlimited energy.” I think he is promoting a new energy drink. In classic Ryback/Cesaro fashion, Cesaro (sporting new blue ring gear he claims to have made) starts off by attacking Ryback with a flurry of moves, only to be driven into oblivion by Ryback. The crow chanted “Goldberg” as Ryback performed a very Goldberg-y move, flipping Cesaro onto his shoulder and slamming him onto the mat. All of Antonio’s offense comes at the expense of the surroundings. Driving Ryback’s throat into the rope, head into the post, and a boot kicking his face into the outside railing finally put Cesaro in control for a little bit. Antionio called Ryback stupid however and Ryback immediately came back to beat the snot out of Cesaro. What followed was the greatest sequence of Ryback’s still early career. He set Cesaro up for the meathook clothesline, but when he ran in Antonio countered and clocked Ryback with an uppercut. Cesaro then went for the Neutralizer and almost got it up, but Ryback fought it off and lifted Cesaro into position for Shellshocked, landing it and winning the match. A very strong ending for what seemed like every other Ryback match ever until then. Step forward for Ryback. As Ryback is leaving up the ramp, Mark Henry comes out and the two stare each other down. Henry eventually moves on and makes his way toward the ring. I had thought Big Show would make a good opponent for Ryback at WrestleMania, but Mark Henry might just as good if not better. I assumed he would just take on the Shield again but I’m happy to see someone else get in his way.

Henry would go on to face Zack Ryder, and it must be new ring gear day because he has red attire tonight with a “push me” button in the rear. He also looks a little feistier, which is interesting because he has been talking about ditching the comedy relief gimmick and becoming more serious. Cole also had to mention how pissed he is about not being booked for WrestleMania, especially since it’s in his native tri-state area. Ryder gets a knee up in the corner but that’s pretty much all the offense he musters. Irish whip in the corner, clothesline and a Worlds Strongest Slam is all it takes to put Zack out for the count. Henry gets the pin, yelling “That’s what I do!” I really want that to be a t-shirt. I might even buy it.

For the first time in months, maybe years, we have three straight matches in a row as the Miz takes on everyones favorite (but mostly mine) Dolph Ziggler. It just wouldn’t be the Miz though if he didn’t grab the mic and talk some smack. He introduces Ric Flair, who will be in his corner. Flair does the same thing he’s been doing whenever he shows up lately, act like he’s high on paint fumes. He’ll spend the majority of the match dancing around and “wooing.” I’m not complaining, just stating the facts. Ziggler has enough of it, gives Miz a big chop and struts around until the Miz knocks him out of the ring with a boot to the face. Back in the ring, Ziggler landed a standing dropkick and followed it up with his head stand headlock (he’s soooo dreamy). After trading blows, Miz rolled up Dolph for a two count and followed it up with a back breaker into the neck breaker. Ziggler then countered with a small package for a near fall and kept the momentum with a jumping DDT. Miz then fought off a sleeper hold attempt but Dolph ducked under a boot to the face, this time locking in the sleeper in the middle of the ring. Miz eventually fights him off however, connects on the jumping clothesline in the corner and the top rope axe handle, setting up for the Skull Crushing Finale (remember that move?). AJ starts to enter the ring however, and with the ref distracted with her (can you blame him?), Big E takes out Miz with a clothesline. Flair then wakes up from his trance and starts slapping Langston’s chest like it owed him money. It has no affect of course and Flair starts to retreat, but Miz saves Ric with a kick through the ropes to take Big E out. Dolph rolls up the distracted Miz for a two count, then Miz deflects Ziggler’s standing drop kick, applies another fairly sloppy figure four and gets Ziggler to tap out. How many people does Dolph need in his corner to win a match these days? Unbelievable. After the match, Flair and Miz strut around like psychos, with Ric flopping and elbow dropping the air. Good match, just can’t get over how Dolph never wins anymore.

Seeing three consecutive matches makes me worry that we aren’t going to see wrestling for a while. My suspicions are confirmed when the Rock comes out. The WWE Champion will engage in an all out, no holds barred, point/counterpoint discussion with John Cena. ANYTHING GOES! Verbally. Rock spent about five minutes explaining to us that it’s cold in Buffalo (and that he had ice on his nipples) before John Cena interrupted. Is he going to counter the Rock’s point about Buffalo being cold? They agree that WrestleMania is 34 days away. Cena says that the Rock doesn’t know what it’s like to need to win and fail, like Cena does after losing to the Rock. As “Cena sucks” chants start, Cena talks about how that loss made him feel worthless and sent his life into a tailspin. He’s making it sound like he was a drug addict. He says the Rock is the reason for Cena’s collapse last year, and why he has turned it around now. Cena says that Rocked pushed him to win the Royal Rumble and beat finally CM Punk. Cena sees this match as a shot at redemption to right the biggest wrong of his life and that he won’t throw this chance away. Rock says he’s happy to see that fire from Cena because he wanted to face him at WrestleMania, and that is because he knows how important all of this is to him. Rock says that no other superstar has that fire, except himself. He adds that John Cena won’t be getting redemption, he’s going to get his ass kicked. Cena responds by quoting Mike Tyson, first by yelling “I’m going to eat his children” in his Tyson voice. Then he quotes him seriously, saying “in order to be the greatest that ever lived, you have to beat everyone living.” Cena then says that he has accomplished everything he has ever set out to do in the WWE, except defeat the Rock. He then says that the Rock’s time is up, and his time is now. Rock then says his time is just starting and quotes Lance Armstrong, saying “Winning is all about heart. You just have to have it in the right place.” He says “Lance Armstrong was full of crap and so are you.” (Rock’s best line in a while) Cena can’t help but laugh, finally pulling it together to again say that he will beat Rock. Rock responds by saying that the difference between the two of them is that Cena think he can beat the Rock, and the Rock knows he can beat Cena, and will beat him again. They gaze into each other’s eyes for a while (or had a stare down, your choice) as the went to break. I thought Cena was much better than Rock (for the same reason’s Punk was better as Rock has nothing new to offer) for the majority of the segment. Rock evened things out considerably with that last line and Cena’s reaction to it. Solid stuff.

“No, you are!

This is followed by what looks like a wrestling match at a distance, as the real American Jack Swagger goes against Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Sgt Slaughter and the American Dream Dusty Rhodes. It pro-America faces against the American heel. I dig it. Swagger slides out of the ring and grabs Duggan’s 2×4, hitting Jim with it when he went in to grab it. Swagger then knocked out Slaughter and Rhodes with it before applying the Patriot Act on Duggan. It’s a non match, which is for the best considering Duggan was wearing gym shorts and a tank top, and it was meant purely to give Swagger more heat. That’s good because right now people only care about Zeb Colter. Backstage, Josh Matthews is asking Swagger why he acted like such a bitch. He was about to say something about how this is Jack Swagger’s America, when Alberto Del Rio attacked him from behind. Security steps in between them and Swagger is prevented from speaking again.

Back in the ring the Prime Time Players, who are all about “millions of dollars” are trying to get Ted DiBiase, the million dollar man, to be their manager. So he is ringside as they take on Team Hell No. Kane takes control early against Darren Young, tagging in Bryan who keeps it going with a dropkick. Titus O’Neil evens things out with a big clothesline on Bryan, following it up by slamming Young onto Daniel. Young then tributes DiBiase by doing his trademark fist drop. A “we want Virgil” chant gets going. Somewhere Virgil is smiling in his box. Bryan gets Kane in on a hot tag and unleashes the beast on Young. After hitting a sidewalk slam, O’Neil breaks up the pin attempt. Titus then goes after Bryan on the apron, but Daniel lowers the rope and O’Neil falls out of the ring. Bryan keeps him out with a jumping knee off the apron, and Kane catches Young off a top rope axe handle to land a chokeslam and win the match. After the match, DiBiase shoves a hundred-dollar bill down Young;s throat, laughs and walks out. Awesome. As they are leaving, Bryan runs over and takes the money from Darren’s mouth. Awesomer!

The tag team action continues as Brodus Clay and Tensai now (Sweet T) are out against 3MB. Before the match starts, the Honky Tonk Man comes out! He is introduced as the greatest Intercontinental Champion in WWE history. I might go with Randy Savage but he did hold the belt longer than anyone else. Slater grabs the mic from Honky, telling him that he needs to go back to Vegas because 3MB is the biggest musical act in the WWE, and makes him leave the ring. Drew McIntyre starts against Tensai, and after Drew misses on a dive in the corner, Tensai rolls him up from behind and gets the pin. Perfect! Tensai and Clay start to dance until the Honky Tonk Man stops him, gets his music to play and they all do the Honky dance until Swagger comes out to stop them. He gets hit a guitar to the face courtesy of the Honky Tonk Man and the dance party continues. Big pop.

No, thank you

Have you been as excited for Fandango’s debut as I’ve been? Well then you’ll be disappointed to know that he’s making his debut tonight against Kofi Kingston. It was supposed to be on Smackdown but Matt Striker couldn’t say his name right. After a woman best described as a 6 dances, Fandango says that Justin Roberts, the ring announcer, didn’t say his name right, and won’t wrestle until his name is said correctly. He makes him repeat it over and over until he finally decides that he just isn’t going to wrestle tonight. I’m not nearly as disappointed as Jerry Lawler is. Lawler was not happy with Roberts. I’m left trying to figure out why this character is a good idea. Brodus Clay started as a beast who debut as a dancing clown. Maybe Fandango will be a dancing clown that debuts as a beast.

So even though we should have had four matches after the Rock and Cena came out, only one of them actually resembled a match. We continue the non-wrestling portion of the program with Triple H coming out to address the crowd regarding Brock Lesnar. He starts by talking about how the last time he spoke on Raw it was after losing to Lesnar at Summerslam and thinking about retirement. He says he’s been working out and training every day but with no actual reason to do it. Lesnar gave him that reason when he attacked Vince McMahon. He says that Summerslam was just the beginning between him and Lesnar, and calls him out for WrestleMania. He also calls himself the ass-kicker again among his usually list of nicknames. Weird thing to call yourself. Triple H keeps it pretty short and heads out. He made a big deal about how he made Lesar bleed. He didn’t really have anything to say about how Lesnar was smiling afterwards. Oh well.

The Shield had a video promo about what happened on Smackdown with Orton, Sheamus and Big Show. Shield came out to attack Orton during his match against Show, but Sheamus came to assist. As they fought, Show got bumped into and knocked out Reigns, causing them to retreat. Shield brings up that while the Undertaker has an undefeated WrestleMania streak, the Shield has also never been beaten. They also now have beef with Big Show, along with Sheamus and Orton. The same men who are in the Fatal Four-way match with CM Punk for the right to face the Undertaker. Hmmmmmm. Things seem to be taking shape.

World Heavyweight Champion in action next against Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett. Del Rio takes control early as Swagger and Colter come out to the stage to watch. Alberto moves in on Wade but Barrett counters with a swinging side slam. Del Rio gets tossed on the outside of the ramp and applies the cross arm breaker on Barrett while hanging on the top rope. Barrett then comes back with a big boot to the face to knock him off the apron onto the floor. Barrett then suspends Del Rio’s head on the apron and nails him with boots and kicks to the head. Back in the ring Barrett goes for an elbow from the second rope but misses, giving Del Rio the opening to come back. A tiltaworld back breaker leads to a sidekick to the face, setting up an enzigui in the corner but Barrett steps aside, hitting a side kick to the gut. Wade then goes for a pump handle slam but Alberto escapes, applying the cross arm breaker and getting the win via submission. Very solid match. When there have been actual wrestling matches they have been quite good. The rest has been acceptable. Swagger and Colter never move from the stage, just looking angry the whole time.

The New Age Outlaws in the house and they do the whole entrance shtick that they did all those years ago and it still pops. I also have to give it to Billy Gunn, he may have lost some hair up top but he still looks pretty good. They go against Epico and Primo. The Road Dogg gets his shimmy moves going early with “You still got it” chants going. Epico and Primo gain control for the middle of the match, with the Road Dogg telling the crowd to get loud while he’s in a head lock. He finally gets Gunn for a hot tag and hits the swinging power slam before eventually connecting on a somewhat sloppy fame-asser to get the win. They did pretty well considering they hadn’t performed on Raw in 13 years.

On the main stage the full roster is out celebrating Mae Young’s 90th birthday. Mean Gene Okerlund calls out Mae, who is le out by the Divas. I know you were wondering and yes, Mark Henry is out there to celebrate with his former lady. In the middle of the birthday song however, CM Punk’s music hits and he walks right through the celebration on his way to the ring for the Fatal Four-way match against Sheamus, Orton and the Big Show.

Goodnight

When the bell rings Punk immediately slides out of the ring to let the other’s fight it out. Sheamus and Orton then do the same, cornering Punk who then slides back into the ring only to get knocked down by Big Show. Show then goes after Orton outside the ring, and Randy avoids being dropped onto the railing by pushing Show into the ring post, temporarily knocking him out. Sheamus and Orton then go at it and as soon as Orton hits Sheamus witha back breaker, Punk runs in and covers Sheamus for two count, immediately leaving the ring again after he kicks out. He tries it again after Sheamus hits Orton with an Irish Curse back breaker, but Sheamus keeps him from escaping the ring and he and Orton throw CM over the top rope. Meanwhile Big Show gets back up and takes down the two faces. During the break, Orton DDT’d Show from the top rope, taking him out of the match again. He tried the same trick on Punk but gets tossed out of the ring just as Sheamus comes up to pummel his chest from the apron. Show then hits Sheamus with a final cut, but the pin gets broken up by Punk. Show then hits Punk with a KO Punch but Sheamus attacks Show before he can cover. Sheamus lands a flurry of attacks to take him down, but Show gets back up quick and regains control. Show goes for the second rope splash but Sheamus moves away. He then lifts up the Big Show for White Noise but only gets a two count. Sheamus calls for the Brogue Kick but Orton runs in and power slams him for a two count. Show then moves in to choke slam Orton, pushing away Sheamus before throwing down Randy. Show then blocks a Brogue Kick before choke slamming Sheamus for a two count. Show calls for the KO Punch on Sheamus, but Sheamus ducks under it and lands a Brogue Kick (after Show seemed to wait forever for it) knocking him out of the ring. Orton then hit Sheamus with an RKO and Punk tagged Orton with a roundhouse kick straight into a GTS to win the match. Very entertaining and everyone played their parts well, although the result was never in question. The best thing is that it was a clean win for Punk. I don’t think that’s happened in a big match since he turned heel.

It’s his WrestleMania sign moment!

The crowd goes nuts as Punk secures the match against the Undertaker at WrestleMania. He does a great job not pointing at the WreslteMania sign as the lights go dark and the Undertaker’s music hits. Undi steps out again to the stage and the fire erupts behind him as the two stare at each other to end the show. Plenty of action in what was the best Raw with regards to promoting WrestleMania. Hard not to be pumped after all that. We also have a clearer picture on the card. Based on everything we’ve seen it looks like we can almost count on the following matches:

Rock vs John Cena for the WWE Championship

Undertaker vs CM Punk

Brock Lesnar vs Triple H

Alberto Del Rio vs Jack Swagger for the World Heavyweight Championship

Ryback vs Mark Henry

Randy Orton, Sheamus and the Big Show vs the Shield

That still leaves some people who still needs to find their roles (most notably Jericho, Ziggler, Kane and Daniel Bryan) but the main card looks set and it’s pretty good aside from Del Rio/Swagger. That could even be a good match, I just wouldn’t pay to see it. Everything else is looking pretty solid at the moment. Just under five weeks to go.

Triple H Returns As Cena Finally Beats Punk On Raw

Posted on February 27, 2013 by Mike P-S

Yeah, it’s a day late. But you get what you pay for.

Since last week’s Raw left us with more questions than answers about the WrestleMania card, it became more about the new WWE Championship belt design than anything else. Since the Undertaker still hasn’t shown up we still have no idea what CM Punk will be doing on April 7th. Outside of Rock facing John Cena in some capacity, the only other match we knew for sure was happening was Alberto Del Rio defending the World Heavyweight Championship against Jack Swagger. That is of course until Jack Swagger was arrested for marijuana possession.

Under normal circumstances this probably would only be a footnote. He might miss a couple shows, perhaps a PPV and everything would be back to normal. But somehow he ended up getting arrested just days after clinching a title shot at WrestleMania. So it’s kind of a big deal. I expect him to be removed from the card, but this is the WWE we’re talking about so nothing can be counted on. They have spent a lot of effort on selling Swagger and Zeb Colter to us, so to drop it just like that would be tough.

Gained a little weight?

This week’s show starts with Vince McMahon heading toward the ring in crutches, supposedly to fight Paul Heyman. He talks about how he loves to build things up with big events on Raw, which is what this “fight” is for. The quotes aren’t mine, they are McMahon’s. He calls Heyman out as the “great fighter” and Paul comes out talking trash and saying he’s been waiting years to kick Vince’s ass. Heyman aims to get payback for all the promoters Vince put out of business including himself. Paul makes it look like he is going to make a business proposal before very awkwardly diving at McMahon’s leg. Heyman takes Vince’s crutch and hits him with it a couple of times. This fight is actually happening, and it’s of the hardcore variety. With “ECW” chants from the crowd, Heyman takes another swing but Vince catches the crutch and starts attacking Heyman with it. After one good swing, Brock Lesnar comes out and makes his way toward the ring (uh oh). Heyman rolls out of the ring as Lesnar gets into it, and it’s just Brock and McMahon in the ring. Just as Lesnar was going to make his move, Triple H’s music hits. He comes out, in jeans and a leather jacket instead of a suit. Lesnar gets out of the ring and the two go at it by the apron. Triple H hits a kneelift and drives Brock’s head into the steel post, opening him up (YES THERE’S BLOOD). Lesnar mounts some offense of his own, hitting Triple H with an F-5 onto the announce table (it didn’t break, they just can’t get that right lately). Lesnar put Triple H back in the ring and went to swing a chair at him, but Triple H countered with a slow but powerful spine buster. Lesnar got hit with a chair to the back before exiting the ring and heading up the ramp. The two basically smile at each other the end the segment. Huge start to the show. We knew this was how they would get this match put together, but I didn’t expect the lengthy brawl that we got. Throw in the blood and I’m pumped.

The opening match of the night puts everyone’s favorite wrestler, Dolph Ziggler (okay maybe just mine), and his entorage against Ryback. Ziggler got Ryback to one knee and hit a dropkick but that is just about it for Dolph’s offense. Ryback just keeps throwing him down every chance he gets. He’s walking around the ring and looks pretty lethargic. Back from break Ryback is in the middle of holding Dolph up in a vertical suplex and held him up for around 30 seconds. Ryback left the ring to get Ziggler, and with the ref looking away Big E ran over Ryback with that running chest bump thingy. Dolph tried to go on the attack but really made no impact. It’s not until Dolph hit the jumping DDT that he did anything that slowed Ryback down. After a two count, Ziggler applied a sleeper but Ryback threw him down. Ryback then went back to throwing Dolph around like a rag doll. AJ distracted the ref so that Langston can help but Ryback just knocked him off the apron instead. Dolph gets laid out with Shellshocked and Ryback wins. Lackluster match from start to finish. Ryback never lost control despite all the interference. Ziggler is supposed to be a legit threat but he can’t win a match despite having the help of a monster in Big E and a hot distraction like AJ. Also, I didn’t notice the MITB briefcase at all. Isn’t he supposed to have it all the time? He has nothing going on right now! What is happening to my guy!

CM Punk out to the ring next without Paul Heyman. He’s out to talk about the match he’ll have later against John Cena with a WWE Championship title shot on the line. Punk this is not about John Cena or the Rock, or WrestleMania. It’s all about him, securing his spot in the main event of WrestleMania. He goes through all his accomplishments, adding that he pinned the Rock twice in the last two PPV’s, calling himself god before leaving the ring. He looks psycho. Dude is pumped up. They keep talking about how he called himself god. If my smart mark mindset meant anything, I’d say that the Undertaker, the dead man, does not take kindly to someone saying he is god.

Moving on from that, Donald Trump is being inducted into the celebrity wing of the WWE Hall of Fame. So the 2013 class has Mick Foley, Bob Backlund, Bruno Sammartino, Trish Stratus and Donald Trump. All the greats. I’ll try to think of him more as the guy who hosted two early WrestleMania’s instead of the guy who cut Vince McMahon’s hair.

Mark Henry and Khali square off next in a match that I really hope ends this feud. Khali gets a boot up on Henry’s grill in the corner and starts chopping Mark down. Outside the ring, Henry regains control and brings Khali back in the ring where he hits the splash in the corner, and finishes him off with a World’s Strongest Slam to end the match. Perfect booking for Mark Henry, and may Khali never sniff a televised match again.

We now have our answer regarding Jack Swagger. He and Zeb are on Miz TV with Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez. Zeb disses Glenn Beck for not letting him on his show before doing what he does best. Attacking illegal immigrants. He talks about how they are taking all our jobs and resources and everything else. Miz tries to ask Del Rio how difficult it is to gain Mexican citizenship but Colter cuts him off, detailing that it takes ten years to gain citizenship and that foreigners are not allowed to own property in Mexico. He asks Zeb what he and his people are afraid of. Colter says that Del Rio represents the American dream, encouraging foreigners to come into this country. Zeb says that there is only one Del Rio success story however, and the rest of the immigrants forget to leave, and that those people are criminals. This sets Alberto off on a rant where he says that America is the greatest country in the world (take that, Mexico!) because it belongs to everyone and that anything is possible if you work hard enough for it. It’s a cheesy as it gets but it gets over with the crowd. Del Rio says they are just bullies, and if they want to make them leave they can try right now. Swagger says they’ll see them at WrestleMania and walks out. This feud is all about Colter versus Del Rio, with Swagger acting as the muscle. So Jack Swagger’s punishment for getting arrested for a DUI and possession of marijuana is appearing on Miz TV. I’d say the punishment fits the crime. After the segment, Colter had Swagger attack Miz because he didn’t like how Miz conducted the interview. I guess they’ll square off next week.

What are these guys smoking?

United States Champion Antonio Cesaro up next against Randy Orton. Why in the world is Zeb Colter okay with Cesaro being US Champ? It goes against everything he stands for. The two trades moves for a bit until Cesaro hits an uppercut and a back body drop to gain momentum. Antonio then hits a flurry of uppercuts to stun Randy, but Orton bounces right back with his clothesline/power slam combo. Cesaro avoided the DDT and looks to attack Orton with a clothesline from the top rope, but Orton sees it coming and hits Cesaro with a big RKO to win the match. Not too long but some big moves, especially the finish. I feel like this match got caught in a time crunch and got cut short. There is the potential for some great matches with these two.

Backstage Kane and Daniel Bryan are talking about how impressive Randy Orton is before they agree to make amends going into their match against the Prime Time Players. They each want the other to sit this one out because they can beat them on their own. Bryan says he can beat them blind folded, and Kane says he can beat them with one hand tied behind his back. Vickie Guerrero and Brad Maddox jump in to add a stipulation to the match. Kane will have one hand tied behind his back, and Daniel Bryan will be blindfolded. Bryan can’t get over the idea that he won’t be able to see. Maddox meanwhile can’t stop trying to talk over Vickie. Brad is gonna be GM or something soon. I can feel it.

Sheamus out to the ring in a tuxedo to go over his Oscar snubs. The whole thing is a way to make fun of Wade Barrett and his appearance in Dead Man Down. Isn’t this heel activity? Barrett hasn’t mentioned Sheamus in ages yet Sheamus is calling him out by making fun of Wade (and promoting the movie of course). They show a scene where Barrett is in the background not saying anything. Finally Barrett comes out, saying Sheamus is green with envy over Wade being in a movie (he’s green because he’s Irish, get it?) and starting an acting career. Sheamus responds by making fun of Barrett’s nose, setting Barrett off. Wade comes after him and Sheamus almost hits him with a Brogue Kick. Wade escapes the ring, saying he has his movie premier to attend tomorrow and doesn’t want anything happening to his face. Wow. Sheamus is a dick.

Damien Sandow at the announce table in support of his best friend Cody Rhodes in his match against R-Truth. Truth attacked Sandow in defense of his friend Kofi Kingston, whom Damien attacked before their match last week (I almost got lost typing that out. hope it makes sense). Truth dances around while Sandow talks about how disgusted he is with him. Cody misses a Disaster Kick but takes out Truth’s legs, taking control. When asked why they broke up, Sandow says they just parted ways. After a lengthy discussion about facial hair, Sandow gets in the ring just as Truth pins Cody to end the match (I’m not even sure how, it was pretty unremarkable). Damien tries to attack Truth but gets beaten himself and leaves the ring. R-Truth beat Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes essentially by himself. Just weird.

Gimmick match time as Team Hell No take on the Prime Time Players (remember them?). Bryan feels around and finds Kane, ordering him to leave the ring. He starts off against Titus O’Neil and rolls around the ring. He then tries to put the NO Lock on the ref before feeling the patch and hair, confirming that it’s the ref. Titus then leads Bryan around with his whistle before taking him down. O’Neil goes to hit an elbow drop but Kane yells at Bryan to move, which he does, and Titus misses. Outside the ring, Kane tries to help Daniel but Bryan hits him instead thinking he’s one of the PTP. Back in the ring Bryan finally tags in Kane who cleans house with one arm tied behind his back. Kane choke slams Young to win the match while Bryan jumps around, still tripping over things with the blindfold on. Only word to describe it is “interesting.”

Bring out the gimp

Shield out to cut a promo. They talk about how dangerous they are and how things are going to get worse until justice is served or something. They call out the locker room, saying they can keep putting together super teams and they will keep beating them. Rollins asks who else there is to fight them when Sheamus comes out to challenge them from the stage. Ambrose and Reigns head toward him as Orton sneaks up from behind on Rollins and hits him with an RKO. He then leaves through the crowd as Seth and Roman tend to their fallen friend. The picture for the Shield at WrestleMania is starting to take shape. Will they end up in another three on three match? So far Sheamus and Orton seem to be paired up. Will Ryback join them?

I was wrong about Miz and Swagger. They won’t meet next week because they are facing each other right now. Miz tosses Swagger out of the ring and dropkicks him back out when he tries to enter. Jack catches Miz attempting a double axe handle and slams him onto the outside floor. Back in the ring, Swagger is just about dominating. He his moving fast and showing lots of power on running knees in the corner. Miz tries to come back but Swagger answers with a big clothesline to drop him again. Swaggerbomb gets a two count and starts working on Miz’s arm. Miz hits a neck breaker to fight back but again gets caught moving in, getting slammed down by Swagger. It’s a lot like the Ryback/Ziggler match without the outside interference. Miz finally gains some momentum, hitting the running clothesline in the corner and the top rope double axe handle for a two count. After nearly rolling Swagger up, Miz gets his leg caught in the second rope (the most dangerous rope) and Jack takes advantage. He injures Miz’s ankle before securing the ankle lock and getting the win via submission. Very good performance from Swagger. He looked as formidable as he ever has. I wonder if he’s sober now.

Between segments Triple H showed up on TOUT, saying “the asskicker’s back.” Is that a new nickname?

Backstage Josh Matthews is interviewing John Cena who promotes his match against CM Punk. That’s all he’s doing. He’s recapping last week’s Raw. He says he challenged Punk to prove that he is back and his time is now and blah blah blah. In more important news the Undertaker made an appearance over the weekend at a house show. That has to mean something right? It was TOUTed so it must be important! By the way, did you know the WWE put five million dollars into TOUT?

Hurricarana?

Main event time as John Cena puts his WWE Championship title shot on the line against CM Punk. Punk comes out first looking like a psycho. Crowd is very much pro Cena early on. They start off slow with some back and forth mat wrestling, setting the tone. Like his matches against Rock, Punk starts gaining control with a slow and steady offense. Elbows to the neck and holds keeping him on the ground. Punk locks his legs around Cena but John power Punk up into an electric chair drop and lands a bulldog to take the momentum. He then slows the pace again, holding Punk down until Punk sends Cena into the ropes and hits him with a leaping kick. More clenching. Just as I’m about to get bored, Cena starts to go into the five moves of doom but Punk ducks down on the second shoulder tackle, sending him out of the ring. Nice counter. Punk dives through the ropes to hit Cena outside of the ring. Back inside, Cena went for the Attitude Adjustment but Punk turned it into a DDT. Cena then went for the five moves of doom again, but Punk turned the side slam into the anaconda vice in the middle of the ring. Cena pushed Punk onto his shoulders in a pin attempt to get Punk to break the hold, only for Punk to hit a swinging neck breaker for a two count. Punk calls for the GTS but Cena grabs his leg to go for an STF. Punk quickly scrambles to the rope however, avoiding the hold. This match has definitely picked up from the opening sequences. Punk hits a springboard clothesline for another two count. He tries it again but Cena moves away and locks in the STF in the middle of the ring. Punk escapes it however and applies the anaconda vice again. The crowd is getting more behind Punk as Cena counters into what looks like the cross face chicken wing. Punk leverages Cena over in a pin attempt to break the hold. Fantastic spot. They start trading blows in the middle of the ring and Cena starts to get the edge but Punk slows him down with a kick to the stomach. John ducks under a roundhouse kick through and hits the side slam, but Punk kicks him in the head when he tries to tell Punk that he can not see him. Punk goes for a GTS but Cena wiggled out. It looked like he was supposed to roll Punk up but he messed up in the middle of it and Punk had to cover instead, getting a two count. A little awkward but it worked in the end. Punk hits a running knee in the corner but Cena blocks the bulldog, hits the side slam and finally hits the five knuckle shuffle (it’s really bad that he has to keep trying to hit the same damn move). Cena goes for the AA but Punk wiggles put and goes for a GTS only for Cena to escape and hit a power bomb (don’t see that very often) for a very close two count. It’s was actually more like a Batista Bomb. Cena goes to the top rope but Punk gets up and knocks John onto the turnbuckle. Punk looked for a superplex but Cena fought him back down, hitting the top rope leg drop to the back of the head for another two count. This is a PPV level match here. Punk knocks Cena into the corner with a roundhouse kick and hits the high knee but Cena comes back with an AA but Punk kicks out on two. Cena is now shaking his head in disbelief. Outside the ring Cena goes to get Punk but Punk hurls him into the ring post, and John needs an eight count to get back in. Punk then hits a GTS but now it’s Cena kicking out at two. Punk tries to hit it again but Cena counters it and applies the STF. After a while Punk makes his move and crawls to the rope to break the hold. Now you know how piledrivers are outlawed now in WWE (except the Undertaker of course)? Well forget it. Punk just pulled a perfect one out of nowhere for a huge pop but only a two count. In disbelief, Punk keeps trying to cover Cena but he keeps kicking out on two. Punk goes to the top rope but Cena rolls away from the flying elbow. Cena then hits a weird hurricarana and an AA, pinning Punk and winning the match. Excellent match but I have to ask why Cena had to use a hurricarana? It also gave me a similar vibe to Cena’s matches against Ziggler, where Ziggler looked so much better and hit Cena with everything he had, with John Cena winning only because he is John Cena. This match was much better though but still.

Breakin’ the law, breakin’ the law!

So now Rock and John Cena for the WWE Championship is officially official again and will headline WrestleMania. More interesting is the fact that Jack Swagger is not facing any repercussions after his arrest and will still face Del Rio for the World Heavyweight Championship match nobody asked for. Even more interesting than that is the Undertaker popping up on a house show over the weekend, which now makes it almost a guarantee that he will face CM “I am god” Punk. Lesnar versus Triple H is also going to happen but we knew that already.

The only other question I have right now is who will join Sheamus and Orton against the Shield? Does Ryback get a fourth shot? Does a legend step up to take a stand? Whoever it is, I think it would be best if Orton ends up behind the Shield, screwing his teammates out of a victory. He can cry “injustice” after the way he has been mid-carded over the last year or so, it makes the Shield seem that much more unstoppable and it can start a program with Sheamus. I still think Ryback would do best against Big Show, but he’s still obsessed with the Shield so it’s not out of the question. The rumored match against Jericho could work too. More to go down next week as we go further down the road to WrestleMania.

WWE Main Event Is Wrestling 101 (Plus A Theory On Punk/Ryback)

Posted on October 4, 2012 by Mike P-S

I’m not planning on recapping WWE’s new show on Ion Television, WWE Main Event, every week. Frankly three hours of Raw every Monday and one PPV a month is more than enough for me. Plus, if I start taking on Main Event then I can’t not do Smackdown as well. I’m sorry but six hours of wrestling each week is too much if I’m also going to hold my marriage together at the same time. However, since the WWE promises to make this a part of the regular rotation and involve it in storylines, I’ll at least check out this premiere episode and take it from there.

A new show also means a third day of Michael Cole. He’s doing the announcing with the Miz, who is playing things as straight as humanly possible. the opening is all Cole and Miz in the middle of the ring selling the show and promoting the main event of Main Event, Sheamus versus CM Punk. Miz sounds like a company hype man and is very much out of character. The segue into a nice little piece on CM Punk and how he got to where he is in the WWE. Actually a pretty balanced piece. Punk wasn’t straight up declared a heal, instead showing him off as a guy from humble beginnings to worked his way to the top and isn’t afraid to piss people off if he believes he’s right. It was followed with a quick interview with Punk, then a Sheamus interview which was followed by a fluff piece on how great Sheamus is. So far Main Event seems to be all about introducing the WWE to new viewers, one superstar at a time. If this is the intent then it could be a stroke of genius. It is hard to get new viewers to jump into three hours of Raw, and even less likely to get them into 2 hours of Smackdown on a Friday night. But if you throw the best you have into what’s basically a one hour commercial for your product, you might be able to get some more people to check things out on Monday nights as well.

Welcome to the entire show

Since the show is only one hour long they actually lead off with Punk/Sheamus. This match was supposed to happen a month ago on Raw but Punk took a personal day. Interesting that they went back to it here. The early portion of the match is all grappling and headlocks. A kick by Punk starts to pick things up a bit, as he would control the middle of the match. This includes performing Sheamus’ patented forearm smashes while his opponent outside on the top rope. Sheamus sets up for a Brogue Kick, but Punk sees it coming and tries to escape the ring. While Sheamus is pulling him back in, Punk grabs the middle turnbuckle pad which comes off (remember this). Including introductions, we’ve now how three commercial breaks in this match. The scar on Sheamus’ nose is getting pretty disgusting to look at. It breaks open on the drop of a hat. After Sheamus gets a two count on white noise, Punk comes back with the high knee and an elbow drop for a two count of his own. He goes for the GTS but Sheamus turns it into a cloverleaf which Punk gets out of when he reaches the rope. At this point Punk realizes the middle turnbuckle pad is missing. Sheamus again goes for a Brougue Kick, but instead Punk drives him into the exposed turnbuckle with a drop toe hold. Punk proceeds to drag Sheamus into the middle of the ring, roll him up and grab the tights for the pin. Very good match and we’re two-thirds of the way through the show.

Still in the ring, Sheamus cuts a promo saying that Punk doesn’t deserve respect and that he’s going to kick him in the face. After the break, Punk and Heyman do an interview with Josh Matthews which continues the trend of Punk seeking respect and not feeling that he gets it while also rejecting the idea of facing John Cena at Hell in a Cell. This is immediately followed by an interview with Big Show, who promotes his match on next week’s edition of WWE Main Event against Randy Orton. With that, the formula for WWE Main Event is clearly established. One high profile main event match (hence the title) filled with interviews and segments to promote both superstars, with a midcard match to go with it. Not a bad concept as long as they keep the feature matches booked with marquee names. Ideally, if you want extended looks at superstars, this should be the show to watch.

This week, the midcard match puts Santino and Zach Ryder against Tyson Kidd and Justin Gabriel in the first round of the tag team tournament. Gabriel and Kidd came out in plain yellow tank tops. Not a good sign. With two face teams they show a lot of sportsmanship with handshakes, but who cares because the Miz just referenced his Real World days for the first time that I can remember. I wasn’t even sure he was allowed to do that. He’s a pretty solid analyst. He plays the knowledgable analyst well and acts as the heel announcer but doesn’t go over the top with it. He’s got a potential career there. Kidd and Gabriel have a lot a fresh tag team moves to show off. Ryder hits Kidd with the Broski Boot and Santino follows with the Cobra and team clown shoes gets the win in a match where they barely had to do anything. Kidd and Gabriel really showed off what they can do and I hope they get a shot in the future. They impressed me.

That’s it for the show! If you are a wrestling fan trying to keep up with storylines you definitely don’t have to watch this show. Nothing earth shattering will happen and anything interesting can be recapped on Raw coming out of a commercial break in about 10 seconds. However if you are interested in seeing a good all around wrestling program (with an emphasis on wrestling for a change) or looking to get an introduction to the WWE, you can do a lot worse than WWE Main Event. I’ll probably check it out from time to time depending on who is being featured in it (IE: Punk, Ziggler, Sandow, Miz, Cesaro, Bryan).

This pair might be even better as a trio

Since the show was only an hour long, let me use this extra space to mention a theory I had on Punk and Ryback after I posted this week’s Raw Recap. So obviously Punk and Ryback have been staring at each other for two weeks now. They hyped it up plenty during a commercial for Raw on tonight’s show so you would think it will continue next week as well. However all this time all they have done is stare each other down. Punk backed out of the ring this past week and Ryback did little more than breathe on him. With all that said, wouldn’t it be a good twist if Ryback ended up being another Paul Heyman guy and ultimately helped Punk? Possibly even at Hell in a Cell against Cena? No one really wants to see Ryback versus Punk, but nothing draw heat like a well formed stable. Here you would have the mouth piece in Heyman, the alpha dog in Punk, and the added muscle for protection in Ryback. I’ve heard speculation that he is being thrown into the mix just in case Cena can’t go at Hell in a Cell and Punk needs an opponent, but I find that incredibly hard to believe. Ryback also looked like he was going to go after Miz and the Intercontinental title a few weeks ago but nothing ever came of that. If there was ever something interesting to do with him this would be it. You can’t bury all of your heels by feeding them (no pun intended) to this idiot. Plus is there anybody in greater need of having someone as great as Paul Heyman to speak for him than Ryback? I think this is the best case scenario and based on what they have been doing I think it is incredibly possible. However since it makes sense and I want to see it, there is probably no way it will happen.

With that in mind I hope Dolph Ziggler never has an extended title run.

Big Show Fired, Triple H Sued in Front Office Raw

Posted on May 15, 2012 by Mike P-S

Tonight’s Raw spent roughly half of the show featuring people wearing suits. These well dressed executives however are also prone to putting their hands on your face.

Just look at those cheeks!

Triple H started the show by spending about 10 minutes recapping the last month of WWE action. WrestleMania happened. Cena beat Lesnar. Lesnar quit. Oh what an exciting month it has been! Finally Lesnar’s music hit and Paul Heyman came out. I can’t say enough how much I love that man. Heyman served Triple H with a lawsuit and started trash talking the COO, who responded the way any executive would. He grabbed Heyman’s face and squished his cheeks together, threatened to hit him but instead let go and left the ring. Point, Triple H right?

WRONG! Now Heyman is saying he plans to sue Triple H for assault and battery. Looks like we could be seeing more of Heyman after all. It makes sense to have Heyman be an extension of Brock Lesnar. That way Lesnar can stay fresh in everyones minds without actually making an appearance. I’m really just happy for the potential (although not realistic) chance at getting more of this:

The other suited figure of course is John Laurinaitis. Johnny took offense to the Big Show making fun of his voice last week (you know, because he’s the first), and he made it his personal mission to make sure Show paid for it. Even already made him apologize once for his job, which he did. Now it was Johnny’s turn. First he made Show turn on the waterworks and eventually get on his knees and beg for his job while apologizing to the GM. That of course was not enough for the power trippy Johnny Ace and Big Show got fired anyway. This was the key segment of the show and there is a very good possible reason why.

The big finish, like all finishes now when Cena is involved, turned into a big talking session between Cena and his opponent, John Laurinaitis. Johnny talked up how he can make all the changes he wanted and put the match in his favor, until everyone’s favorite hoeski, Eve, delivered a message from the board of directors. It reads that the match will be a one-on-one match, with no added stipulations, no special guest referees, and if Laurinaitis loses he will be terminated. There is one last addition to the message. If any WWE superstar interferes in the match, he or she will be fired. Isn’t it interesting that this news comes out right after the Big Show was fired? Hmmmmmmmmmm.

Who called the whaambulance?

So here’s the rumor. The now fired Big Show will come back at Over the Limit and help Laurinaitis (legal since he isn’t a WWE employee) defeat Cena, to which Johnny will return the favor by giving Big Show his job back as Laurinaitis’ personal body guard. This makes Big Show a reluctant heel and gives Cena an excuse to lose to Johnny Ace. With that in mind I also have a weird feeling that Daniel Bryan will take the WWE Championship from CM Punk. WWE loves throwing people off who better to unseat Punk (even if it’s only for a short time) than the white hot Bryan. Could this be where the AJ storyline finally comes back into play? I guess we’ll find out Sunday.

Nothing else really happened for the rest of the show. Beth Phoenix is back and will probably win the Diva’s Championship back from Layla. Ziggler and Swagger get a tag team title shot against R-Truth and Kofi Kingston, and Kane will get the YouTube treatment as he’ll open up Over the Limit against his good buddy Zach Ryder. Let’s see if it lasts more than 30 seconds.

I honestly think we could have an all heel PPV this time around. I think we’re due and it would be a nice change of pace considering how faces seem to keep winning lately. Eventually it has to turn just to keep it interesting (I do think Sheamus retains his title though). Unfortunately I won’t be able to watch this one live as I’ll be on my way home from Toronto and I don’t think the rental car will even get basic TV so we can forget about PPV. Let me know what you think of it and I’ll be back with a Raw wrap-up Monday night.

Lesnar Quits, Plus Fatal 4-Ways and More on Raw

Posted on May 8, 2012 by Mike P-S

It’s Monday night again, which means that someone you haven’t seen in a while needs to make a special appearance on Raw. This time it wasn’t a wrestler, it was ECW founder and super hype machine Paul Heyman who came back, representing his boy Brock Lesnar. Since Lesnar went off the handle last week and brock his boss’s (Triple H) arm, all the circles speculated that Lesnar would be “fired” for his actions. I assumed that instead Brock would not only remain hired, but would also get his demands met since Triple H was out of commission and John Laurinaitis, who agreed to the demands in the first place, was still around. However Heyman threw us all for a loop when he announced that Lesnar had quit the WWE, due to the way he had been treated by WWE brass and whatever the hell else he was saying. All that matters is Brock quit, and no one can cut a promo quite like Paul Heyman.

Of course Lesnar hasn’t really quit. He’s signed to a lucrative contract that expires after WrestleMania 29. He just “quit” until his next appearance, which are limited based on his deal. Odds are that he will come back at the same time Triple H comes back from his broken arm, so the two can meet. This would most likely be at SummerSlam, and I’ll take a wild guess that after that the only other times you see him in a match are at Survivor Series, Royal Rumble, Elimination Chamber and WrestleMania. This is simply based on the idea that he has a limited number of appearances, and WWE would likely use those for their biggest events and leading up to ‘Mania.

The other piece of news that came out of Raw was the announcement of a Fatal 4-Way match for the World Heavyweight Championship putting current champ Sheamus against Alberto Del Rio (which we knew), Randy Orton (alright) and Chris Jericho (wait, what?). Apparently after losing to Punk twice and failing to secure another rematch last week, Jericho seems to have completely forgotten about Punk and has now moved on to wanting this belt instead. I know I wanted that feud put on hiatus for a while but wasn’t there a better way to do it? Couldn’t he have blamed not winning the beat the clock challenge on someone and then get into a feud with him? Here we just had Jericho thrown into a tag match with Del Rio against Sheamus and Orton, where Sheamus accidentally Brogue-Kicked Orton, paving the way for Jericho to pin Sheamus, leading Jericho to now believe he should be champion. This now makes four straight PPV title shots for Jericho, who has barely won a match since returning. At some point he has to beat someone just to justify him being here. Of course now Orton wants revenge on Sheamus too since “accidents don’t happen in the ring” (just ask The Rockers).

Reunited and it feels so good

CM Punk got his beef with Laurinaitis going again, ridiculing the GM to the point that Johnny Ace put Punk in a handicap match against Daniel Bryan and Lord “I swear I’m not Prince Albert” Tensai. By Punk’s standards it was a pretty ordinary segment, and the more I think about it, face Punk has been pretty lame the last couple months (outside the ring of course, inside he can still do no wrong). Although I suppose it’s hard to have a good shoot when you’re the WWE Champion that main events PPV’s and is getting everything he wants. Most of the good rants are from disgruntled employees usually on the way out anyway (much like Punk thought he was before MITB).

Naturally Punk lost and Bryan grabbed some more momentum heading into Over the Limit, but the real story to me is the Laurinaitis angle. His feud with Punk had been put aside for Cena, but now that Laurinaitis is set to face Cena in two weeks, the Punk feud is heating up again? He’s also making an enemy out of Sheamus, while Eve (his assistant) is starting things up with Big Show (who beat Cody Rhodes via count out so no IC title and no more rematch clause). Isn’t that a lot of heat from a lot of different directions? I mostly think it’s a sign that there aren’t enough good heels (and the ones they do have get cheered like Jericho and Bryan), and they need someone to keep all these faces on the right side of the crowd. That’s all fine, but it means that we now need to have Laurintis and/or Eve on screen for most of the show since they are involved in everyone’s storylines.

Makes sense for getting Cena cheers and even for Sheamus since Del Rio isn’t exactly bueno on the mic. But do we really need Johnny to promote Punk vs Bryan? Both of them are so good on the mic and get such a good pop from the crowd. They should be able to psych people up on their own. I thought the same of Punk vs Jericho too but that had the whole drinking angle. No accounting for taste I guess. The one thing this does for me however is create the possibility of Laurinaitis or Eve getting involved in any and all matches. Don’t be surprised if we have a mostly heel-driven Over the Limit.

As for the rest of Raw, Beth Phoenix will challenge Layla for the Diva’s Championship at Over the Limit, The Miz came really close to beating Brodus Clay, Dolph Ziggler took out Kofi Kingston (with some aid from Swagger of course), Mason Ryan seems to be coming back, and finally this happened somehow at the Mayweather/Cotto fight:

Nothing else I can say to follow that.

It’s Cena vs Johnny Ace and Bryan Gets a Title Shot at Raw

Posted on May 1, 2012 by Mike P-S

For once, it seems that the WWE is listening to its fanbase. Much to the delight of pretty much everyone, Daniel Bryan will square off against CM Punk for the WWE Heavyweight Championship at Over the Limit on May 20th.

To earn the right to be the number one contender there was a beat the clock challenge, in which whoever won their match in the shortest time got to face Punk. Not a bad gimmick as long as everyone knows how much time is left. Of course the ref for Jericho/Big Show took too long to count out Show, but declared that Jericho had beaten the previous time anyway. All that was corrected over the break, and I’m sure the ref got reamed out backstage. Either way the whole thing worked well enough, as Bryan came out to face…Jerry Lawler. Yup, somehow the King got a shot to be the number one contender. I get that for the Royal Rumble it’s fun to throw some random people for entertainment, but couldn’t they have put someone on the actual roster against Bryan instead? He couldn’t have beaten Alex Riley quickly? Just makes me wonder what it takes to get a title shot in the WWE. You know, if wrestling was real.

YES! This is happening

Regardless of how it happened, the match said I could happen yesterday, will happen and I couldn’t be happier. We were teased twice with Punk/Bryan matches and both were outstanding aside from the non-finish. For the first time in who knows how long, the best two actual wrestlers on the roster will actually compete against each for the title. If done right, this could be Savage/Steamboat good. The previous two times they met, Bryan was just starting to turn heel and the two of them had a whole Ring of Honor respect thing going. Now that Bryan is full on heel I’m curious how it will play out. Punk applauded Bryan at the end of the match so maybe it will be all about wrestling. Can’t hype that for three weeks though so I doubt it. The Masked Man brought up the point that if this PPV doesn’t sell, you can bet these two will be blamed. If that’s the case, we better shell out the dough or we won’t see anything like this again for a while.

You have this many fans left

Instead we’ll get more of the other match that is announced for Over the Limit. It turns out John Cena’s whole “I’ll be gone for while” speech meant he just wouldn’t come out until the end of tonight’s Raw. No tears, no breaks, just a strained arm. Whatever. So now Cena needs an opponent and that man will be…John Laurinaitis? Yup, Johnny Ace is in full Vince McMahon mode, and will strap on the boots against John Cena. It seems that with no more legends to face for a little while it has been decided that they will keep Cena from being booed by having him face the current superheel, in what I’m guessing will be the worst match since Bret Hart vs Vince McMahon. To make it seem like Johnny has a chance, he brought Lord Tensai out and led an all out S&M session on Cena’s injured arm. Even Michael Cole thought it was too much, and when Michael Cole turns against a heel, you know you’re doing something crazy.

Following that same trend, let’s not forget about Brock Lesnar. Triple H came out (suited up) for the first time since WrestleMania to essentially say everything Laurinaitis agreed to give him the week before was not going to happen. Repetitive messages aside, Lesnar proceeded to attack Triple H and break his arm with a kimura, which I guess is now the new ankle lock in terms of damage. So now Triple H has a reason to not be around until the PPV of his choosing, and when he comes back (Summerslam?) you can bet he’ll have a big feud and match with Lesnar waiting for him. If that’s the case then I’m down.

You give the best hugs!

Lesnar is assumed to be fired for attacking the COO, which of course would be the case if this were an actual company with a worthwhile employee handbook. But this is the WWE and Laurinaitis is an over the top heel so Lesnar will be back next week, or whenever he feels like it, to face somebody. I’m going to throw out Randy Orton just because he’s on the cover of the posters and he’s due for something bigger than Kane or Wade Barrett.

Also Kofi and Truth won the tag titles. So I guess they need to pick up matching outfits. And the Bella Twins were fired by Eve in an online exclusive video. From Diva’s champ to goat and fired off-air in just over 24 hours. So long ladies.

Cena Says Bloody Goodbye to End Extreme Rules

Posted on April 30, 2012 by Mike P-S

I’ll be the first to admit that I was not that pumped for Extreme Rules. I saw all the rematches and yearned for something new. I saw all the hardcore matches as further distraction from real wrestling. I thought Cena/Lesnar was interesting but would be more of the same we’ve seen from both. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Instead of simply following in WrestleMania 28′s footsteps, Extreme Rules took last month’s PPV and turned it up to eleven, delivering with drama, extreme action and in-ring action alike.

In black and white for some reason

First let’s get to the main event and what everyone will be talking about tomorrow. To put it bluntly, Brock Lesnar beat the crap out of John Cena for roughly 20 minutes. After getting busted open by Lesnar a few weeks ago on Raw, Brock pulled the same routine about a minute into the match, elbowing Cena in the back of the head and making him a bloody mess for the entire match, which had to be stopped twice to superglue Cena’s head together (not exaggerating). The rest of the match was Lesnar dominating as much as I’ve ever seen anyone dominate before. If you thought Tensai and Clay could throw people around, then you haven’t seen Lesnar. It was also a nice touch that Brock wore his MMA gear (allowed through his contract, very rare), and it can’t be talked about enough how much of a monster he is. Anyway he pummeled Cena to the point where the crowd started pulling for Cena (not easy to do) who finally hit Lesnar with a fist full of chains and an AA on the steel steps to secure the win. Hip hip hooray, Cena’s off the snide.

But the real story is what happened after the match. Cena’s right arm was noticeably dangling from his shoulder by the end, which he even acknowledged when he addressed the crowd. He then started talking about how he’ll probably get fired (on camera) for what he’s going to say, but mentioned how all of the good guys and bad guys sacrificed their bodies at Extreme Rules, and thanked Chicago for being such a great wrestling city (he actually said wrestling!). He also said (off and on mic) that he’ll probably be leaving for a while, citing both his injury and that Laurinaitis would kick him out (for what I still don’t know). Then as Cena walked up the ramp he was again heard off camera telling a fan about his arm, saying something like “it just feels like it’s hanging there.”

How much of this is legit or not I can’t say. He definitely looked hurt but he’s in the business of selling injuries so who knows what you can take from that. It is pretty rare for a post match mic session to be put on air (which again can go either way) and he sounded fairly genuine. It’s also possible that he is just in line for some scheduled time off and what better way to send him off than with a “severe” injury in a big win. Works for Triple H and the Undertaker. If it’s planned out (which I tend to think it is) then I think they wanted Cena to make his leave with as much positive reaction as possible, so that whenever he does come back in isn’t to as many boos. I also think they are enjoying having Punk as champion so much that they want to keep him their, and don’t know how to transition Cena back into the title picture yet (which eventually he has to). Either way Cena is still the biggest draw, so for their sake I hope he comes back as soon as possible (unless it’s a work, which in that case screw him).

Still the best in the world

On to the rest of the card. Jericho and Punk had me really worried that having a Chicago Street Fight would take away all of the wrestling they were known for. I wasn’t put at ease when they both came out in jeans instead of traditional wrestling gear. What we got however might have been the best combination of both. It started slow and expectedly weapon filled, but by the middle of the match there was a great combination of technical wrestling mixed in with weapons. The Anaconda Vice countered with a kendo stick. Code breakers with chairs were hit. My favorite spot had Punk crawling to the ropes while in the Walls of Jericho, only it didn’t mean anything because of the street fight rules. That lead to Punk reaching down toward the arena floor to grab and use a fire extinguisher on Jericho to break the hold. The key to the whole thing was the stipulation that the pin or submission had to be in the ring. That kept things from going backstage which is the least entertaining thing possible, and kept these guys where they do their best work. After more taunting from Jericho (tacked on but he finally has full heel status for it), Y2J went to finish Punk with a GTS, which Punk reversed and delivered a GTS of his own to retain the title.

So now Jericho has lost to Punk in two PPV’s, once by submission and once by pinfall, both clean. Where can Jericho go from here? The rumor is that Jericho will be gone before Summerslam, which is four months away, to go on tour with Fozzy. That means he could leave now or three months from now, and if Cena’s gone I’m not sure what else he can do besides keep feuding with Punk, who’s he’s now lost to twice already. Punk meanwhile has been champion for six months and is running out of opponents. Does Lord Tensai get a push? Jericho/Punk part 3? It’s possible Lesnar get’s the next shot would make for some good old fashioned MMA style fighting. I could also see Daniel Bryan switching to Raw and gunning for Punk now that he’s lost to Sheamus.

Speaking of which, what a great match Bryan and Sheamus had. It had everything you want in a great match. The crowd had been waiting four weeks for this one and they were ready for it. Electric stuff. It’s always special when a heel becomes so popular that the face gets booed, and that’s what happened here. Then the storyline they told worked really well. After a hard fought back and forth battle that would have been a great TV main event any other day, Bryan then attacked Sheamus’ shoulder in the corner so brutally that he purposefully got disqualified for the first of 3 falls, only to immediately administer the Yes Lock to get take the second and tie it up. Sheamus, who was very impressive, managed to secure the win with a couple of brogue kicks, but the star of the show was still Bryan. For the first time since I started watching him, he had everything clicking in a big spot. He was a smaller heel being treated as a face, making a giant beast of a face look like the underdog by the end of the match. Loved it.

The real star of the show

Now that the WWE seems committed to Sheamus as a champion all signs point to him meeting Alberto Del Rio at Over the Limit in May. Bryan on the other hand has no direct path. One thing that surprised me about the match was that AJ was nowhere to be seen. Probably for the better, but I’m sure she’ll pop up later this week.

Other notes from Extreme Rules:

Cody Rhodes beat the Big Show in a table match on a technicality, as Rhodes pushed Show slightly off the edge of the ring, having his foot (and just his foot) break through the table, and costing him the Intercontinental title. Show dominated the whole match, including throwing Rhodes through two tables post match, so this feud seems to have another chapter or two left.

Randy Orton opened the show by defeating Kane in a match that would have bored me completely had it been after any of the other matches mentioned above. They had some decent spots, but too much throwing people into objects outside the ring, which we all know by now that I hate. Let’s give it up to a random Zach Ryder appearance though.

Brodus Clay’s feud with Vicki Guerrero took another turn when he had an actual back and forth match against Dolph Ziggler. Clay won of course but Ziggler put up a good fight and we got to see Clay fight back a little. It’s taking a while, but we’re starting to see what this guy is actually made of. Decent job.

On the YouTube pre show, Santino retained his US Championship against the Miz who seems to be dropping further and further down the depth chart.

Ryback was correctly labeled as Goldberg by the crowd, defeating two hilariously awesome local wrestlers.

As for the ladies, Layla came back to beat the Bella’s for the Diva’s title. Kharma’s name now gets tossed around like a an urban legend, and Beth Phoenix will be out for a while with her leg “injury.”

Oh yeah, Michael Cole called out Booker T for saying he knew Sheamus was tired by looking at all his sweat, and said that if Booker’s fighting was anything like his announcing, he’d do fine in a fight against him.

Overall I’d say it was a pretty successful pay-per-view. Very few dead spots and the time killing was kept to a minimum. We also saw plenty of blood (the best way to get Cena on the crowd’s side) and plenty of regular wrestling too. Did I miss anything you noticed? If so, leave a comment below.

-Update: I just realized the pics are in black and white so you can’t see the blood! Oh WWE, you are sooooooooo slick.

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