The Best Baseball Movie Team Ever (Part 1: Hitters)

With the Major League Baseball season underway, this seemed like a perfect time to put together the greatest baseball team in cinema history. Before I start, I must say that this has nothing to do with the quality of the movie or the actor. We are solely looking for the best possible player to fit the team. Also, since this is a movie team, TV players like Kenny Powers, are sadly not available. Today we’ll unveil the position players, followed by the pitching staff tomorrow.

Starting Lineup:

Willie ‘Mays’ Hayes – CF (Major League)
How can we not put the man who hits like Mays and runs like Hayes in the leadoff spot. Steals a ton of bases, takes walks, plays a gold glove defense. As long as he doesn’t show boat or try to hit home runs, there is none better.

Rex ‘T-Rex’ Pennebaker – LF (Mr. 3000)
A five tool player, T-REX can do it all. Once Stan Ross taught him how to play the right way, there was no stopping this beast of a ballplayer. A three hitter on most team, his speed and selflessness make him just right for the two hole on this team.

Roy Hobbs – RF (The Natural)
Of course Roy Hobbs bats third. The man can literally knock the cover off the ball. Unquestionably cinema’s greatest hitter, his lack of speed in right is made up for by Hayes and Pennebaker in the outfield. He won’t need to cover much ground out there.

Clu Haywood – 1B (Major League)
The man who leads the majors in every offensive category (including nose hair) takes the cleanup spot. In the rare event Hobbs doesn’t drive a runner home from 3rd, Haywood sure will. This veteran knows every trick in the book, and can hit the ball a ton.

Heddo – DH (Rookie of the Year)
“Oh no, it’s Heddo!” A hitter so good he doesn’t even need a last name. Heddo was the only man to ever get a hit off Henry Rowengartner, and did it with a home run. He never had a position in the movie, so he’ll step in as DH. He’ll make sure they don’t pitch around Hobbs and Haywood.

Jack Parkman – C (Major League 2)
We’re getting really right hand heavy and the pitching staff won’t like it, but Parkman starts at catcher for all his physical tools. Cannon for an arm, power at the plate. Not a team player, but friendliness never hit the ball like he does. And his little shimmy drives the women in Cleveland crazy.

Roger Dorn – 3B (Major League)
We’re talking end of the first movie Dorn here. He always hat a solid bat, and by the time he learned to put his body in front of the ball and think about him teammates, he became a quality fielder and solid leader in the clubhouse, regardless of who slept with his wife.

Pat Corning – SS (Little Big League)
With all the offense we have 1 through 7, the middle infield is more about defense. Corning always has good at bats, but he’s in the lineup because he’s the best defensive shortstop we could find. It doesn’t hurt that he was played by former Major Leaguer Kevin Elster.

Mickey ‘Domo’ Dominguez – 2B (Summer Catch)
Dominguez was nothing more than a role player in the Cape Cod League, but his standout defense is what gets him on the field in a slim pickin’s position. The rest of the lineup has enough firepower to get away with this naive slap hitter batting ninth.

Bench:

Benny ‘The Jet’ Rodriguez – Utility (The Sandlot)
We know he made it to the Majors, but we only saw him pinch run in the ninth inning so there is no telling how good he really was. We do know that he can play every position and is lightning fast, so he is our choice for utility man.

Crash Davis – C (Bull Durham)
Considering how abrasive Parkman is, Davis is a key bench player for his knowledge and leadership. He also has some pop for when Parkman can’t (or won’t) play. The only reason Jake Taylor didn’t make the cut is because Taylor’s knees make him too unreliable.

Pedro Cerrano – OF (Major League)
Cerrano has just as much power as the players starting over him, but since we was never able to put a good full season together, he’ll be our fourth outfielder. Always strong in the second half, Cerrano will mainly be used as a pinch hitter.

Jack Elliot – 1B (Mr. Baseball)
Definitely the toughest decision to make was between Elliot and Lou Collins for backup first baseman and lefty pinch-hitter. Both are smart ballplayers and leaders in the clubhouse. Both are hooking up with relatives of their manager. The deciding factor was Elliot having more power and coming through in his big moment, where Collins was bested by Ken Griffey Jr.

Overall I think we have a pretty dangerous offense. Two speed guys at the top of the order with guys to drive them in behind them. There is also protection in the middle of the order with competent bats to turn the lineup over. Defensively we are very strong through the middle of the field. Two of the three outfielders can run everything down and we’ve got reliable veterans at the corners.

Come back tomorrow for the pitching staff and the manager!

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