Fresh off a day of hot dogs and beer and thanking the truth, let’s run through this week’s Raw like all the food will run through me later. Like last week, the Raw recap will be written as I watch it.
After a ridiculously lengthy recap of the last two weeks (longer than mine anyway), Big Show opened Raw to further explain the last two weeks of Raw, which he had already done on both last week’s Raw and Smackdown. Why do suits have to be associated to being bad? I think Triple H is the only guy I can remember being a face while suited up. Show again talked about how he has an iron clad contract which means he can do whatever he wants. Apparently all the smiling was an act. He then mentioned how it means he doesn’t have to do any more of those gimmick matches with boxers and sumo wrestlers anymore (light at the end of the tunnel). Turns out he’s further pissed that right after his big crying episode Brodus Clay came out and danced and everyone had a good time, including his buddies R-Truth and Kofi Kingston. But that is nothing compared to John Cena not demanding Show get rehired on the spot. I swear this feud is so forced is could be arrested for assault. By the way, since No Way Out is on Father’s Day, how come no one has predicted that they will make his opponent his daddy? I feel like a major opportunity is being missed here.
The first match of the night had Santino face Alberto Del Rio. Santino had been getting into squash matches with Ricardo Rodriguez all last week (just wastes of time) so it’s about time Del Rio comes in to stand up for his boy. I’m not sure if this is racist or anything, but shouldn’t Santino not be able to hold the US Championship? How about the Intercontinental belt? Anyway in the time that it took to type this Del Rio blocked the cobra and hit the cross arm-braker for the quick win. Now it’s Ricardo’s turn to get over on Santino by saying Del Rio’s name over and over. At least they didn’t waste time.
Backstage, Alex Riley apparently hasn’t learned a damn thing from Zack Ryder and has the hots for Eve. Show appears and Eve gives him the news that he got pick his opponent for tonight. Odds are Truth (likely), Kofi (ditto), or Brodus Clay (don’t count on it). Show then said he was going to send a message to the rest of the locker room and threw Riley into a wall. Looks like Show is just going to be coming out whenever he wants and beating people up. As long as it doesn’t involve a lot of talking I’m cool.
Tag titles on the line with Truth and Kofi versus Ziggler and Swagger. They are now going double on Kofi’s entrance. Whatevs. Even money says Big Show comes out and the belts change hands. There really can’t be a more overly happen pair than Kofi and Truth. It hurts me watching them smile so much. Not sure where they hide them at night in New Orleans, but it’s a very young sounding crowd tonight. They really got up for this one. An up tempo match ends with Truth pinning Swagger while Ziggler was out of the ring (no Big Show interference). Dolph Ziggler just made the realization that I’ve known for a long time. He’s better than this! Ziggler just up and left Swagger and Vicki Guerrero. Maybe he’ll finally get some time at the top like he deserves.
Backstage Big Show was about to lay the hurt on Santino but I’ll be damned Brodus Clay came to the rescue and talked Big Show into facing him tonight. I’m still not expecting it, but this could work into a solid match.
Johnny Ace in the house and it doesn’t look like he’s ever used a crutch in his life (much like Zack Ryder). You need a pick one leg to stand on buddy. Johnny announces that Big Show/Cena will be a steel cage match at No Way Out (which technically means there are two ways out). Laurinaitis then unveiled the cover a WWE’13 (coming out on October 30th as many of you may know) featuring himself on the cover. I must point out that there is a “We Want Regal” sign in the crowd. Punk now out to interfere (they are still feuding as well, remember?) Guess what? Johnny is not on the cover. Punk is. I know I’m breaking big news here. So we just had a pretty long commercial for a game we won’t see for another five months. I know it’s been said a million times but it really is impressive how Punk’s career has taken off in less than a year. To be on the cover a video game is a little more elite than getting magazine covers or posters. He really is big time now.
Punk versus Bryan next because why make us wait until No Way Out? This is the biggest change in wrestling since I was a kid. Wrestling TV shows used to only have one real match per hour. The rest were all squash matches to make the stars look good with promos in the middle. Now you get main events playing out two weeks early? Hogan and Bundy would barely be in the same building before meeting at a main event. Takes the steam out of these match ups a bit if you ask me. Remember Sin Cara? Well he’ll be back on Smackdown this week. Not sure what version of him it’ll be or whatever, but he’ll be back. Moving on. The replay of Bryan beating the snot out of Kane with a chair last week reminds me that Kane seems to be headed toward turning face. If true then that whole embrace the hate thing ended quick didn’t it?
With all the complaining I just did about spoiling us with too many high profile matches, it’s still such a treat watching the best two wrestlers in the company compete against each other on a regular basis. They are going at about 75% and it’s still better than what most people put out there. It could have something to do with the entrances taking about 20 minutes, but the crowd is a little dead for this one. It could also be that New Orleans doesn’t know jack about wrestling. Punk just hit a springboard cross body to the outside of the ring and it barely got a reaction. Anyway while I was bitching AJ came out in a CM Punk shirt. I’ll use the inevitable commercial break to say that there is no way Cray-J isn’t going to factor in the match at Over the Limit. She can’t make one of them submit though so hopefully it won’t be too drastic. Bryan is doing serious work on Punk’s left arm. I’m sure the state of his arm will turn into the focal point of the match going in.
These guys are really putting in a lengthy match. Bryan went to remove the turnbuckle, which went unnoticed because AJ was arguing with the referee to point it out. Punk then yelled at AJ which gave Bryan the opportunity to used the exposed turnbuckle and get the win (follow all that? I’m not sure I did). Anyway here comes Kane to attack Bryan with a chair again. After taking him out it just barely sorta kinda looked like Kane might take out Punk too, so AJ threw Punk a chair and he slapped Kane a few times with the steel and cleared the ring. To wrap it up: Punk’s arm hurts, Kane has reason to go after both guys now, and AJ is a psycho who could go in any direction and not surprise me. Perfect situation for WWE creative.
Three quarters of the way through the show and we finally got a mention of Chris Jericho’s Brazil incident. That’s actually all that they said about it on the show. He was not there due to an “incident in Brazil.” Of course they said you can get all the details at WWE.com. Don’t due that though, I’ll tell you about it right now. The skinny is that on Thursday night in Brazil, Jericho, as his heel character, snatched a Brazilian flag from CM Punk and threw it away. Nothing too crazy on the surface, but it turns out he was breaking the law by desecrating the flag, and once the local police informed him he had the choice to either apologize immediately or go to jail. Of course he apologized, but after the night was over Jericho was suspended for 30 days, with the WWE claiming that it was not a scripted act. Jericho further apologized via twitter, and that’s about it. The immediate impact is that now Jericho won’t be facing Randy Orton at No Way Out. Since Kane always ends up getting thrown into a match with people at PPV’s when someone is needed, perhaps it will be him and Orton for a third straight time. Here is video of the whole incident:
Cody Rhodes on the mic for Christian versus Miz (remember the Miz? I don’t). Christian just did Edge’s taunt and attempted a spear. I guess we now know how long you have to wait before you can take a retired hall of fame wrestlers moves. I wonder who has the balls to start using the stunner again? Christian is really committing to the frog splash off the kill-switch as we wins an average match. Rhodes did nothing but complain. Backstage some Johnny Ace bitching turned into Otunga volunteering himself for a match against Sheamus because he thinks he’ll actually win. Also Teddy Long is wearing a maid outfit and Eve doesn’t know ice coffee is supposed to be cold.
After the break Miz grabbed a mic and went into his whole routine about how he should be getting championship matches. After all this time he’s finally bringing up the fact that he won the Team Johnny/Team Teddy match, which I figured would propel him in some way. Anyway Randy Orton just came out and RKO’d Miz to shut him up. I think this is the second time this has happened (first with Triple H). What a good soldier he is. More pushing from Ziggler backstage to leave the tag team and get big solo matches. He says he wants to be on the stage alone like Orton is. Sounds like we have our Over the Limit opponent for Randy Orton. If true it could be pretty good.
Whaaaaa? Punk is putting up the WWE Championship on the line against Kane on Smackdown? What the hell do you need to do get a title shot? Clay hasn’t lost but he is always in midcards. If wrestling was real he’d have gotten some kind of title shot by now. Of course it won’t amount to Kane winning the title, but just the idea of it puts a little more reality out the window. Sheamus makes quick work of Otunga of course. I get the feeling Big Show might be making and example of him in the near future.
Clay/Show will finish things up if Brodus ever finishes his intro. Big Show comes out and calls Brodus a sell out for embarrassing himself every week. Calls him Doink without the talent (BURN). Big Show spear takes out Clay (okay that was pretty cool). A few punches and kicks later Kofi/Truth comes out to help but Show takes them out too. Show then puts a twist on using the announce table by hitting Clay with the table instead of the other way around. Got no match but it was cool to see Brodus get beat up for a while. Show clearly getting built as an alpha dog leading up to No Way Out. Still not really interested though.