Tales Of An Expectant Dad: Week 6

dcs-856b_1zOn November 5th 2012, my wife gave birth to our first child. During the pregnancy I decided that I would write about the experience. Every week since I have documented all of the events that took place throughout this time, along with my thoughts on them. Now that I can confirm that our baby is happy and healthy, I will share those thoughts with you.

Week 6 – Doctor Visits, House Hunting and THE CRAVINGS

Monday, March 19th, was Jess’ first visit with the “you know what” doctor to see what was going on in there. She was about as nervous as you could be. What if something is wrong, what if I’m not pregnant at all (in that case what the hell is with all the mood swings and dizziness?) and my personal favorite, what if there are twins?

Twins? I would have never even have given that a second thought had she not been so outspoken about her third, fourth and fifth thoughts about the possibility. Apparently her mother mentioned it, which got her mind racing, and having hearing about it for two weeks, it got my getting worried about it as well. I’m barely at a point where I feel like I’m responsible enough to handle one baby. Now I have to think about two?

It turns out all that worrying was for nothing as there is only one bun in the oven. Overall a rather smooth experience aside from some grimacing and hand holding. Did I mention I was in the room during the examination? What a load of fun that is. Never thought I’d be in a room watching another woman handle my wife’s lady parts. Not exactly something you can prepare for, and not exactly something I’ll forget anytime soon. Included in the proceedings was a sonogram, in which we saw all types of stuff going on inside my wife. At the moment the baby is the size of a grain of rice, which is big enough to know there is a baby in there, but not big enough to see a heartbeat. Once we get to that point we’re in the clear to start telling people. We’ll have to wait a couple of weeks for that though.

Right after the appointment we were off to check out some houses. It’s amazing how suddenly your needs, which you always think are reasonable, become bigger and bigger with a baby on the way. I used to think we could get by on a three bedroom, 1 bathroom house with an unfinished basement on 0.2 acres of land. Now, these are the minimum requirements to even consider a house. Now we need four bedrooms (one master, one for each kid we’re planning for, and an office), 2 full bathrooms, a finished basement, a dining room and no less than 0.3 acres. This also comes with the idea of providing space for my in-laws, which will likely be an extension of the house which is why we need the extra land. I should add here that I’m totally cool with them living with us, especially for the free babysitting and cooking aspect. It just shows how much a child changes preferences. Now school ratings, along with distances to parks, hospitals and other family members are big deals. Also, property taxes are a bitch.

Now that Jess was recovering from her flu-like symptoms, the morning sickness seems to be kicking on all gears. Sitting down, standing up, reading, watching tv, and pretty much everything else causes dizziness and nausea. The one distraction from all this? THE CRAVINGS! Now I’m getting the random food requests. First it was the traditional fast food craving. She just needed fried food, so off I go to McDonalds for french fries and chicken mcnuggets (no soda, because soda would make her throw up). We had frozen chicken fingers and fries in the fridge by the way, but it had to be McDonalds. The next day as I was coming home after getting my car back from the shop, she needed to have bread. The thought of anything else would make her sick. So off I go to get a half dozen bagels. The thing about the cravings so far is that they are one-time only things. She hasn’t mentioned McDonalds since. Most recently she NEEDED to have fruit roll-ups. She hadn’t eaten them in almost a year, yet here she is eating five of them for dinner. She regretted that decision almost immediately when she got sick to her stomach, but at that time, it’s all she could even think about putting in the mouth. Right now the cravings are as if her taste buds were having their lives flash before their eyes, thinking of things they thought were delicious in the past and have to relive those feelings one more time.

There is one other side effect that’s popped up so far. Gas. Oh man does she have gas. I used to kid around and say that she was full of hot air, but now she really is. There is a catch though. For the seven years I’ve known her she has been avoided passing any gas around me in any manner. In this time I have witnessed her fart once, and that was while she was sleeping. To the best of my knowledge she has also never really burped in her life. It is to the extent where now that she is a walking hot air balloon, she does not have the ability to let any of it out. I now find myself teaching her how to fart and burp. Results have been non existent, and it is made worse by my natural ability as a man to fart and burp almost on command. I never thought she would resent me for that, but I think right now she does. Not being able to let any of this gas go is just getting her more and more frustrated. She is, quite literally, a ticking time bomb.

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