Tales Of An Expectant Dad: Week 30

Most_Fruitful_Yuki_by_bokumanOn November 5th 2012, my wife gave birth to our first child. During the pregnancy I decided that I would write about the experience. Every week since I have documented all of the events that took place throughout this time, along with my thoughts on them. Now that I can confirm that our baby is happy and healthy, I will share those thoughts with you.

Week 30 – Pregnant Super Powers

Two weeks since the last appointment so we’re going back to the doctor’s office again. It’s a later appointment so there is less rushing than normal. At least for me. Jessica still manages to avoid getting ready until right before we have to leave. So while she’s in the shower, I basically have nothing to do but wait for her and get her anything she needs when she calls for it. Since I’ve only had breakfast to this point I decide to have a little snack before we leave. I bought a bag of mini powdered donuts the other day and there are six left. I know she loves them so I figure I’ll only take two. I open the bag, and before I even start putting my hand in I hear my wife yell, “Mike, what are you eating!?” She heard the crinkle of the bag from the back of the kitchen, through the hallway into the shower with the water running over her head and the air conditioner on full blast. Not only does she hear it, but she knows it’s the donuts and yells at me not to eat them all. My wife has developed super hearing in her pregnant state. However it only seems to be toward food items. The next night I opened a plastic container of cookies, again while she’s in the shower, and she correctly identified the type of snack I was eating. Pretty freaky stuff.

Anyway, she wants to fill our son with sugar so that he’ll move during the appointment for a change. We get in, start the sonogram and we get a face shot for the first time in ages. The doctor puts the 3-D effect on and I have to say he’s a pretty damn cute bastard. He has his arms up and it looks like he’s playing peek-a-boo with us. So adorable I could throw up. It really looks like a human face and that is as scary as all hell. That thing is going to be out in about two months and then I have to take care of him. We get one really good face shot among all the other pictures and we’re out. Jess is determined that he has her nose and that he basically looks like her. I can deal with that, but it would be really weird if we had a son that looked like her and a daughter that looks like me.

That night I started to think about what our son will be like and what he’ll become. I began to think about how crazy it would be if he became famous or ridiculously successful. He could theoretically be president. Or a baseball. He could start a company a become a billionaire. I thought about how amazing it would be, albeit unlikely, that my son could grow up and eventually buy me and Jess a giant house with his fortune. Then I remembered that I want to have two children. As unlikely as it is to have one child that becomes a super-famous billionaire, it’s even less likely that I’d have two of them. So odds are that if I had one crazy awesome kid, the second one might suck by default. Then I started thinking about the issues that would face. How would I avoid not having the celebrity kid be my favorite? Of course I would love both of them, but I know damn well I’d have a hard time not loving the one that buys me a Jaguar a little bit more. I’m rambling now. Back to things that are actually happening.  

After the appointment we went ShopRite because she wanted dessert. I asked about getting regular food for the rest of the week but she said she didn’t want spend a lot of time there because it was so late and didn’t like the produce there anyway. Fair enough. She proceeded to grab 7 different types of cookies. I found this particularly funny because she turned down dessert when we were out at dinner just 30 minutes earlier. Maybe that’s just another one of her superpowers.

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